Here I Am

Because I can still remember all the prayers I thought you forgot.

The nights I spent crying.

Asking you what I did to deserve any of this.

Because I was miserable. I was lonely. And because I felt forgotten.

But then here I am.

And I am only here because of You.

Because you pursued me.

And you brought me even closer to you.

This entire time. There you were. Right beside me.



Even when I messed up.

When I gave up trusting you.

When I was convinced my way was better.

When I thought you had better things to do.

When I was too ashamed to talk to you.

There you were.



Because you knew better.

You knew this place.

You knew him.

And you knew that he was exactly what I needed.

Because you heard every prayer.

Because you caught every tear.

And because you knew exactly what I deserved- even better than I did.

Because you always keep your promises.

Because you’re still not done.

And because you’re still at it.



Lord, thank you. Thank you for all of this. For this life you have created for me. For him. Lord, you are so good. Help me to trust more. To be reminded of how good You are everyday. Even in this world of brokenness and hurt. You are still good. And we can put our hope in you. Lord, thank you for loving me and pursuing me even when I begged you to just leave me alone. You are so good, Lord. Lord, thank you for being such a good father to me. Help me to grow into Your ways, Lord. Give me a new heart.Help me to trust you, Lord. Without ceasing. But mostly, Lord, thank you. Just thank you. In Your Name I pray. Amen.


Lord, thank you. 

Thank you for this man. This amazing and perfect man. This man I never realized existed. 

This man who changed everything. 

Lord, thank you. 

Thank you for sending me a man who loves You more than he loves himself. A man who knows You. A man who fears You. A man who isn’t afraid to talk about You.

Lord, thank you. 

Lord, bless this man. Bless this relationship. And bless this family. 

Lord, help us to live a life that brings honor and glory to Your name. 

Lord, fill us with your Holy Spirit so that we may walk in Your ways.

Lord, thank you for guiding us when we don’t know the way. For forgiving us when we fall short. And for loving us in a way that allows us to love each other. 

I pray that no matter where we find ourselves down the road, that our eyes will always be fixed on you, Lord. 

Hand in hand, I pray we will always seek you, together. 

I pray these things in Your name. For Your honor and glory. 



No one can serve two masters, since either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. Matthew 6:24

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve read that verse. 

Let’s just say that I read it enough where I thought I understood it enough to just glance at it when it would come up. 

Except that’s just one of the amazing things about God’s word. It’s never the same each time we read it. 

We can read the same verse over and over and somehow, we still have this amazing gift to take something different from it each time. 

This is why His word never fails. 

So, yeah, okay, can’t serve God and money, got it. 

Except that I didn’t. I don’t. 

I have this amazing ability to turn anything into a little God. 


From my family to my job to my prayers. 

I can even turn my coffee into a little God every morning if I’m not careful. 

So as I read this verse again, I replaced ‘money’ with all those other things, but something still wasn’t right. 

And then it hit me.

You cannot serve both God and yourself.

It hit me straight in the gut and took my breath away.

It was never my intention to compete with God. But that’s exactly what I had been doing. 

It was never any of those other things. 

It was me. 

It was thinking I knew better than He did. 

It was thinking I was more resourceful than He was. 

It was thinking that I was exactly where I was in life because of what I did to get there. 

Gross, right? 

Because I don’t know about you, but every time I have tried to do something on my own either one of two things happen: 1. I fall on my face. 2. I make a bigger mess than necessary. 

Oh, and there is one more thing: I always come back to Him. 

Have I truly been a disciple of Christ? I can’t help but wonder. 

Oh man, do I love Him. I love Him so much it hurts. 

But do I love myself more? 

What a conviction it is to ask yourself that very question. 

I was hoping to finish this blog and shout from my bed that I loved Him the most. 

But as I sit here, comforted by this hot cup of coffee, I’m not sure I can say that with an honest heart. 

So instead, I’m quietly asking the Holy Spirit to come into this broken heart and to make some changes. 

Reluctantly, I am asking the Holy Spirit to come into my broken heart.

Because this is terrifying. 

Dying to one’s self? 

Choosing to trust in something you can’t even see? 

Laying down all the things that bring me satisfaction and joy? 

I wish I could say it was easier, but it’s not. And I can feel myself clinging on to those fleeting things. 

Because for so long, even when I wasn’t acknowledging it, for so long it was up to me. At least, that’s how I looked at it. 

That’s what we’re conditioned to do, right?

We grow up with the idea that if we want something we have to work for it. 

That our best choices have gotten us to where we are. 

And that if we aren’t happy with something we have the power to change it. 

But what if that goes against everything that He is?

What if by believing those things we are giving ourselves too much credit and taking away from what He has done for us? 

I hope you weren’t expecting an answer. 

Because I’m drawing a blank. 

And maybe this is His lesson. The thing that’s happening right now. The not knowing. 

Maybe this is Him proving a point. Making His case. 

Maybe, He brings us into the familiar just to show us how unfamiliar it actually is. 

And how much, despite what we may think, we actually need Him.


All Wrong

Y’all, I think I’ve been doing it all wrong. 

Let me start off by asking you the same question someone asked me. 

“Why do you go to church on Sunday morning?” 

I didn’t even have to think about the answer. 

I go because it’s what I do. I go because of how I feel when I’m there. I go because I want my kids to be raised in a church. 

And sure, there’s nothing really wrong with those answers, but there is something missing from those answers. 

Let me ask you another question.

“Why do you read the Bible?”

To comfort myself. To educate myself. To find answers. 

Again, nothing wrong with those answers and yet, they are still missing something. 

Y’all, I’ve been doing it all wrong. 

Because this whole time I’ve made it about myself. 

What can God do for me? 

I never really thought of it like that. I thought I was doing right by reading the Bible and going to church every Sunday. 

You know me, dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s. 

But the truth is, it should never be about me. 

It should be about Him. 

Yes, the beautiful thing about Him is that when we honor Him and we praise Him, it does something for us too. It gives us that warm, fuzzy feeling that so many of us long for. But it isn’t about that feeling. 

It’s about Him.

I have been to church for answers. For when I’m having a bad week, a bad day, a bad morning. You name it. I go and I try to make myself feel better.

What can you do for me? 

When I’m struggling in life, as a single mother, with finances, relationships, you name it. I flip open my Bible and I try to make myself feel better. 

But, it isn’t about me. 

Whether I’m happy or sad or stressed or not, it isn’t about me. 

It should be about Him. 

I should be praising Him and worshiping Him despite what my personal life looks like. 

It should never be about what He can do for me, but rather, what I can do for Him. 

Now, in the grand scheme of things I realize I really can’t do much for Him. Truth be told, He doesn’t need me. But thankfully, He doesn’t expect much.

And instead of showing up on Sunday mornings for me, I can show up for Him. 

I can stop worrying about what He can do for me and I can just show up for Him. 

I can love Him. 

I can love Him with my whole heart.

Instead of opening up my Bible to answer all the questions I have to the unfairness of life, I can just be grateful for His living word.

I can just spend time with Him. 

Now, I’m not saying we can’t pray. Or that we shouldn’t pray. I firmly believe that in order to be in a relationship with God, we need to be able to talk to Him. 

And I don’t know about you, but my life would be even more of a wreck if I wasn’t able to pray to Him.

But instead of focusing on the prayer. Instead of focusing on the desired outcome of the specific prayer. Perhaps, I could focus on the action. 

The very blessing that it is to be able to go to Him in prayer. (Thank you Jesus)

Truth be told, I can find myself off track, a lot. 

Desiring my will instead of His.

I’m there right now. 

Boldly praying for Him to do things my way. 

But I think I have it all wrong. 

The bold part is not asking Him to do things my way, it’s being able to talk to Him at all. 

Because it’s not about me. It’s about Him. 

Because, y’all. I’ve been doing it all wrong. 

It was never actually about me. That’s the sin and the brokenness in our world. That’s the reminder that I desperately need Him in all things. 

Even in these kinds of things. 

Because I mess up. 

Because even when it’s about Him, I make it about me. 

Lord, help me to make it about you. 


My sin finally caught up with me. 

I'm not sure how long I thought I could outrun it. Out smart it. And, well, just ignore it. 

But I tried. 

I tried really hard.

But it finally caught up with me. 

I expected an outrage. Punishment. 

I expected to be shamed. Hated. 

And so I hid. 

I hid for a long time. 

I hid behind these words. I hid behind you. Anything I could do to hide, I did. 

But my sin finally caught up with me.

I stood there, face to face with it. 

And you want to know something? 

It wasn't as bad as I thought. 

Yes, it was bad. Yes, it broke God's heart. But it didn't define me. 

It didn't control me. 

And it didn't make Him love me any less. 

Because that's who He is. 

The world would have you believe that He couldn't love us. That He couldn't forgive us. 

That it would have to be up to us to make it better.

Y'all. The world is wrong. 

He loves us. Period.

He loves us even when we don't love ourselves. 

When we can't love ourselves. 

Because what the world uses to hurt us, He uses to love us. 

To meet us wherever we are. 

And to say, "I love you, anyways." 

It's not to justify our sin. Or to make it okay. But it's to remind us that even though we are broken, He is not. 

Even though we fall short, He never will. 

Even though we can't, He can. 

So, I finally stopped running. 

I finally stopped hiding.

Because I finally let my sin catch up to me. 


Since when did it become so hard to pray? 

I am lost, y’all. Completely lost. 

So without getting into a lot of detail I will tell you that something happened. I did something and it changed everything. 

I am being hard on myself. Too hard according to some. And not hard enough according to others. 

And on one hand I know He’s here. He’s been here the whole time. 

And on the other, I wish He wasn’t. 

But I just don’t know how to talk to Him right now. 

And it isn’t Him. It’s me. 

It’s all me. 

And here’s the thing. I know what will help. I know what will take this burden from me. I know all of that. 

And I’ve been reminded of just that from many of you, but it isn’t that easy. 

Because part of me thinks He shouldn’t. Part of me wishes He would be angry. 

Because I know what I would do. 

But that’s not Him. 

For anyone reading this who might not know Him. For anyone who might think He’s mean or angry or full of wrath. 

He isn’t. 

‘But this world is so awful and horrible…’

Yeah, I know. But that’s not Him. He’s not responsible for that. We are. 

The brokenness. The evil. The injustice. That’s us. Not Him. 

But I still can’t talk to Him. 

Maybe it’s pride. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s because I don’t think I deserve grace, forgiveness, love. 

I just can’t. 

Because I wouldn’t even know where to begin. 

And the person I ask for help when I’m scared, well, you see what’s happening. 

And I know that He already knows. I know that He already knows what I can’t say yet, but still, here I am. 


Desperate to be heard, but too scared to say a word. 

So, it looks like I’ll have to be lost a little while longer. 

At least, I know I’m not alone. 

Jesus with Skin On

Something is missing, y’all.

The thing is I have an idea of what, but I’m not sure how to get it.
Not sure where to find it.

Because I’ve looked. But I just keep looking in all the wrong places.

I remember when I wasn’t pretty. (Before you say anything, let’s just agree to disagree). I wasn’t. I didn’t feel pretty. Guys didn’t notice me. And I remembered thinking that ‘if I was prettier, I’d be happy.’

That’s where it all started.

‘If I had this job, I’d be happy.’

‘If I had these friends, I’d be happy.’

‘If I lived here, I’d be happy.’

‘If I had this phone, I’d be happy.’

‘If I had these clothes, I’d be happy.’

‘If my life looked like this, I’d be happy.’

And y’all want to know something?

It does and I do, but I’m not.

I have the clothes. The friends. The apartment. The phone. I haven’t felt prettier. I can honestly say that I have checked off all the boxes for the way I want my life to look like, and yet, something is missing.

Now, let me clear one thing up. I am happy. I am beyond grateful for all of these things. I am proud of the life I have created. But I can’t deny that something is missing.

I’m a doer. I like to check things off of my to-do list, daily. It’s what I do. It’s how I stay organized. It’s what makes me feel like I’ve got it somewhat together. But these last couple of months, I haven’t.

I’m a mess.

And I’ve tried to maintain the to-do list on the days that I can even find it, but instead of making me feel like I’ve got it together, I feel like a mess. Like someone who can’t get it together. Not even for a minute.

But because I am who I am, I continue to add to the list.

Pray to Him.

Read about Him.

Talk to Him.

Study Him.

Talk about Him.

I make sure I have my ‘Christ Following’ down. I dot my ‘I’s’ and cross my ‘T’s’, but something is still missing.

I don’t know how else to do it. I want the Jesus that everyone else seems to know. The one who is always near. The one who makes them not feel alone.

Because, I don’t have that. I feel alone, constantly. I need those conversations, and not the ones where I am yelling at Him, taking out my anger and frustration on Him, but the ones where someone asks me about my day. Or the ones where I share something funny that happened.

As a friend of mine put it, I need Jesus with skin on.

I have prayed for patience and guidance and wisdom and pretty much anything you could think of to help me through this season, but it still sucks.

It hasn’t let up.

But there I am again, ‘If I…then I…’ how do I get out of that mindset?! How can I learn to just live in this moment. This exact moment. The one where I am laying in bed typing this on my phone because He has put it on my heart that I am not the only one who does this.

Because He has put it on my heart that this is just what we do.

Because this is what it means to live in a world of brokenness.

So what do we do? How do we change the cycle. The habits. The desires.

How do we make Him the center of it?

And not just a check off our to-do list, but actually living and breathing his existence while doing life here?

Because I think this is what’s exhausting me. And I’m ready to rest.

Neon Sign

I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused before. Usually when things happen I know exactly what to do. I am confident in my decisions because I know that I am doing His will. 

I can’t say for sure now.

The truth is, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve felt Him; since I’ve heard Him. I feel lost. Alone. 

And I’m scared as hell. 

I’m scared because I don’t want to make the wrong decision. Because I don’t want to mess anything up. Because it’s all on me now. 

Because there’s no one else I can blame.

The reality is I’m a single mom. I never intended to have kids so I could do it alone, but here I am, doing it alone. 

I’m not sure that I actually grasped that before this week. I know it’s been awhile since my husband left me, left us, but nothing really changed. 

Honestly, I rarely saw him when we were married. 

And he has been paying the bills, and we still live in the same place. Truthfully, nothing changed. Not really.

But it’s about to. 

The reality is setting in that everything is about to change. I really am going to be a single mom. I really am going to be responsible for everything. I’m not going to have access to the same bank accounts. I’m not going to be able to count on his payday. The court is going to determine how much child support he pays. And I’m going to have to figure out how to make ends meet. All by myself. 

It’s all about to change. 

And so I have felt chaotic lately. Scared; nervous. I had decided that if I couldn’t feel God or hear God that He must not be around. 

Thankfully that’s not true at all. 

I’ve been in NC since early December. Until yesterday I hadn’t been to an Al-Anon meeting since I left. I thought I would be fine. I even assured my sponsor I was fine. 

I wasn’t. I’m not. 

‘Get to a meeting,’ she said. 

So I did. 

I’ve got a pretty huge, life-changing decision to make soon. I had been praying to God to give me a neon sign. To let me know exactly what I should do. 

This way or that way. 

‘I can’t hear you anymore. I need you to be blunt. Where are you? Why aren’t you telling me what to do?! Give me a sign. Give me something,’ I pleaded. 

I went to my first meeting. The topic was ‘Grief’. I never really thought I had anything to do with this topic, but I do.

I am grieving. 

I am finally grieving the loss of my marriage, my husband, my family, and all that comes with losing those things. 

I have spent most of the time since my husband left distracting myself. Numbing myself. Keeping busy. Refusing to feel the emotions that come when you are going through a divorce. 

But here they are, every single one of them. 

About half way through the meeting a woman walked in late and sat next to me. 

Her name was Lauren. 

She shared that she realized that while she was also grieving the loss of a relationship she became over sensitive. Every little thing used to get under her skin. She would overreact. She would fall back into old behavior. Trying to control and manipulate. And that she just needed to remember to trust her Higher Power. It was okay to grieve and to feel all of these emotions, but that she needed to remember she couldn’t do it on her own. She couldn’t get through it without His strength. Because it was just too much for her. 

Cue the flashing lights. 

See, I was expecting God to answer me the way I wanted. I wanted Him to make the choice. To tell me what choice to make. But it’s more than that. 

He’s always more than I expect.

It’s trusting Him. With all of it. With every last detail. Even when it doesn’t make sense. Even when it’s scary to trust Him. Even when you think you can do better. 

Even when trusting Him hurts. Especially, when it hurts. 

And this hurts. Oh boy, does this hurt. 

Because it’s my instinct to protect myself. Because I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling things. All. Of. The. Things. 

But that’s where He is. 

And even though it hurts and even though I am hurting, I’m happy I found Him again. 

That’s the difference. My life has been chaos since October 10th, when my husband decided to leave. It was never simple. I never really knew what to do, but I kept my eyes on Him. 

He’s my joy. He’s why I could wake up every day confident. He was why I was so happy. It was never that I was happy my marriage was over, I wish it wasn’t. I never got married so I could get divorced, but I was okay because I never took my eyes off Him.

And then I did. 

He still hasn’t told me what to do. I still don’t know what choice I’m going to make. It still isn’t any clearer than before, but what I do know is that I can trust Him, completely. 

I can screw up. I can make the wrong decision. I can make the right decision. As long as I just make the decision to trust Him. And as long as I keep my eyes on Him. 

I need to actually believe that He loves me and that He knows exactly what I need and not only that, but that He will provide me with everything I need. 

And I hadn’t been believing that. Somewhere outside of the meetings and behind the distractions I had convinced myself that it was up to me to provide for myself, for my kids, but all I have to do, all any of us have to do, comes down to two thing things. 

First, we have to trust Him. Completely. With our whole hearts. He’ll take care of the rest. And that includes taking care of me and you. 

Second, we just have to keep our eyes on Him. It can be too much to pay attention to everything else. It can be hard to pay attention to the details. We can become overwhelmed. We can distract ourselves by paying attention to all of the things we can’t control. 

And I don’t know about you, but the only thing I am sure of, is that I am loved and the only thing I really want to remember is just that. 

Everything else just sort of falls into place. Or at least I finally stop paying attention to the rest. 

And I Choose to be Thankful

I get it. It’s hard to understand. I can see it in the words you write to me or the way it’s written all over your faces. How can she be okay??

I’ve told you over and over and over that it’s Him. Not me. Never has been me. Never will be me. But I get it, it’s hard to understand. 

People expect me to be angry. To be upset. To have swollen eyes. I can see how they tip-toe around me, afraid that at any moment I will finally break down. The way they expect. The way I should. But I don’t. I haven’t. 

That doesn’t mean I haven’t cried. Oh, trust me, I have. I have spent a lot of time just crying and letting it out. I have spent a lot of time sitting in my room talking to my Father asking question after question. Wondering, much like you, why all of this had to happen. 

But I’m still not angry. 

I feel like I need to make a few things very clear. One: I regret nothing. What Justin and I had was ours. It was the story I wanted for a long time until it wasn’t. There has not been a minute that passes where I have thought ‘I wish I hadn’t.’ Because the truth is, I would all over again. Even knowing what I know now. I loved him. No, scratch that, I love him. And while we have had our fair share of heart ache and trials, they were ours and I can’t imagine the story being written any other way. 

Two: God is not any less because of this. Am I angry at God? No. God is God regardless of who I am or what my marriage looks like. We got where we are because of our choices. Not God’s. And believe it or not I am thankful for all of this. 

Yes, you read that right, I am thankful for all of this. 

While it might not make much sense to anyone else this, what is happening right now, this is good. This is good because I can see God using me. And my prayer is one day I’ll be able to see God using my husband. This is good because I’m not hiding anymore. I am completely free and at peace. 

No, I’m not angry at God for making me come back to Houston. Am I suppose to stay here? I don’t know, but what I do know is that He brought me home to my church, to people that love and support both me and Justin. 

I get it. It’s hard to love my husband when you feel like he’s hurt me so much, but do. Love him. Oh and there are times when I struggle with this, but I have to remember not to let the enemy in. Not even for a second. And my prayer for you is that you don’t use me as a reason to let him into your life either. 

You’ve already messaged me to tell me that you know I’m going to be fine. If you really believe that, and I do, then don’t be angry at my husband. Pray for him. That’s what I do. When I begin to feel restless or I begin to want to step back in and try to control things, pray. 

Oh how easy it is for us to think we know what someone else is going through. I know I am guilty of pretending to understand my husband’s struggles, but we don’t. We can’t. But we can pray. We don’t even have to know which words to say, He’ll help you. 

Yesterday, I went to my pastorate. For those of you who don’t know what a pastorate is, it’s like a large, small group. We do life together. It’s something that I believe all churches should have. So I went, hesitantly. I was nervous. Saying you do life together and actually doing life together are two very different things. But I went. 

I was prayed over. Going into that prayer I was scared. But as they asked the Holy Spirit to fill me with peace, He did. I had begun to tear up, but He wiped away my tears. I can’t explain what happened, but something did. What they probably don’t know is that in that moment I realized why I had come back. They don’t hate my husband. They don’t judge my husband. They love him just as much as I do and to be honest, to be real honest, that’s what I need right now. 

When you find yourself angry at my husband and you wonder why I had to marry him in the first place, look at my daughter. If I hadn’t married him, she probably wouldn’t be here. And for those of you who know my daughter, well, I can’t imagine a world where she does not exist. And when you find yourself disgusted by my husband, remember that without him I wouldn’t have Jaxsyn either. We can say that my husband has made a lot of poor choices, but I will never hate him because he gave me the two most important, well, technically three (Jaxsyn, Adelaide Blue and God), most important things in my life. 

And I choose to be thankful. And I’m praying you will too. 


I believe most people would rather classify these  kinds of things as ‘coincidences’. They always do, but I don’t believe in coincidences.

I believe in Him.

A few months ago I entered into a contest hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries. I never win anything, but it was almost like I was testing God.

To enter the contest to win this book you had to comment why you wanted to win. What this book would mean to you.

Most of you probably don’t know how much I don’t like myself. How much I struggle with acceptance and self worth.  I do a fantastic job at manipulating the perception others have of me because I just don’t know if I’m ready to face the truth.

Actually, I do know. I’m not ready.

The truth is I have no idea what it means to love myself. I don’t know what that looks like or how you do it. It’s a foreign concept to me.

Now, before we go any further I want to make sure that you understand that this is not a post for you to feel sorry for me. That’s not why I’m sharing, but I am sharing so you can see just how He works. Because the truth is, He’s always working.

Before I even knew about the contest I prayed for Him to show me how to love myself. I asked Him over and over to let me see what He sees. I needed a ‘how to’. I needed it explained in simple terms. In a way that I could understand because that’s just the kind of person I am. I need to know what to do.

And then I saw the book.

I remember laughing out loud. I added my comment. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but I shared that I believed this was God responding to me. This was Him letting me know He heard.

“We’ll see if you’re actually listening,” I challenged out loud.

A few weeks later, I get an email telling me I had won the book.

I remember laughing out loud again.

The publisher would be sending it and it would take 3-4 months to get here, the email explained. A few weeks passed and I ended up forgetting all about it.

And now fast forward to this week.

I just finished my latest book and couldn’t decide on what to start next. I had a few lying around the house that I could read, but I didn’t really want to. Something kept holding me back.

So I went out today to run a few errands. I contemplated going to the bookstore to pick up something new since I couldn’t decide on anything to read, but decided to come home first and take a look on Amazon. (I love making sure I get the best deals.)

Last minute, I decided to check the mail before I came home and inside I found a package.

Now it may seem like nothing to y’all. It may seem like something so small, but to me this was huge. There was the book.

The book that arrived way earlier than expected. The book that I had forgotten all about. The book that had managed to capture exactly who I was and exactly how I felt just from glancing at the cover.

What happened was a conversation between us. The two of us. Father and Daughter. A conversation that I have walked away from every other time, certain He hadn’t been paying attention. Certain He hadn’t been listening, but this was proof that not only had He been listening, but that He had heard me.

Every time, He heard me.

He even made it happen in a way that would give me something to share with you. That was actually another prayer of mine. I had felt like most of you have probably felt like I have. But I didn’t have the words to talk about it. And then He gave me the words.

There is so much that I love about what He has done in this situation, but What I think I love the most is how He pays attention to the most delicate of details. Like this was made exclusively for me. The whole thing. From start to finish. He planned the whole thing just for us. He made sure that I knew this was for me. Because just like the back of the book says:

  • If you wander off, God will find you.
  • If you are afraid, He will reassure you.
  • If you are broken, He will restore you.
  • If you are ashamed, He will cover you.
  • If you give up on Him, He will not give up on you.

Because even when we feel invisible He always sees us and He’s always listening.