Impossible

Because this morning I woke up with a thousand things on my mind.

He wasn’t one of them.

Completely stressed out. Full of worry. With a to-do list a mile long.

And yet, He insisted I come spend some time with Him.

‘The rest of the world can wait,’ He said.

I fought His calling to come and be still.

I didn’t have time to sit and be still. I had things to do. He knew that.

It was true, I had been meaning to spend some time with Him this week, but I just couldn’t find the time.

“I’ll do it tomorrow,” had become my life mantra.

But not today.

I had run out of tomorrows and my Father wanted to talk.

And just like a disciplined child who had just been reprimanded, I lowered my head and found a seat at the table.

Unsure of what to read I just turned to Luke.

I could feel the tension building up. I had so many other things I should have been doing. Rest was not on my list of things to do.

I began to read quickly. Well, more like skimming. I would just get it over with.

Time with God- check!

Except that it didn’t quite go that way.

Even though I wanted to skim, suddenly I was soaking in every word.

Breathing in the word of God like I was just catching my breath.

I could still hear the thoughts in my head.

All the things I needed to figure out.

How I was going to pay for this or that.

How I was going to hit some pretty big numbers for work over the next couple of days.

And the truth was I had zero answers.

It all looked pretty impossible and I was pretty worried.

And then there it was.

For nothing will be impossible with God. Luke 1:37

I got goosebumps.

I stopped.

Before I could even voice my doubt He interrupted me.

‘Nothing,’ He said.

And there was more.

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill what He has spoken to her. Luke 1: 45

(I see what You did there.)

Now you might be thinking ‘woah, that’s pretty weird’ but that’s not even the weirdest part. Remember all those things I was stressing about. The money. The bills. The pressure from work. They are still there. I’m looking at them staring at me from across the table, but they don’t seem nearly as significant as they did before.

See what I think I realized is that there really is only one solution to our problems and that’s finding the strength to trust our Holy and loving God enough that we don’t worry about anything else.

Because He tells us that nothing is impossible and that those of us who believe Him are blessed.

Friends, the answers are there. He is there. But for some reason He is the last place I look.

I am grateful that He is gracious enough to blatantly put the answer right in front of me.

Grateful that He knows what I need even before I do.

Truth is though, I don’t know what He’ll do. And I don’t know if His solution looks like mine. But what I do know is that nothing is impossible and I have every reason to believe Him.

Here I Am

Because I can still remember all the prayers I thought you forgot.

The nights I spent crying.

Asking you what I did to deserve any of this.

Because I was miserable. I was lonely. And because I felt forgotten.

But then here I am.

And I am only here because of You.

Because you pursued me.

And you brought me even closer to you.

This entire time. There you were. Right beside me.

Loving.

Pursuing.

Even when I messed up.

When I gave up trusting you.

When I was convinced my way was better.

When I thought you had better things to do.

When I was too ashamed to talk to you.

There you were.

Loving.

Pursuing.

Because you knew better.

You knew this place.

You knew him.

And you knew that he was exactly what I needed.

Because you heard every prayer.

Because you caught every tear.

And because you knew exactly what I deserved- even better than I did.

Because you always keep your promises.

Because you’re still not done.

And because you’re still at it.

Loving.

Pursuing.

Lord, thank you. Thank you for all of this. For this life you have created for me. For him. Lord, you are so good. Help me to trust more. To be reminded of how good You are everyday. Even in this world of brokenness and hurt. You are still good. And we can put our hope in you. Lord, thank you for loving me and pursuing me even when I begged you to just leave me alone. You are so good, Lord. Lord, thank you for being such a good father to me. Help me to grow into Your ways, Lord. Give me a new heart.Help me to trust you, Lord. Without ceasing. But mostly, Lord, thank you. Just thank you. In Your Name I pray. Amen.

Come Holy Spirit, come.

Change my heart.

Give me a heart that desires the things you do.

That loves without borders.

Align my heart to yours.

Change me into the woman you desire me to be.

Lord, help me to seek your will above my own.

And cleanse me of anything that breaks your heart.

I pray these things in Your name for Your honor and glory.

Amen.

Day Ten

Psalm 139:1-24

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me! 

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar. 

3 You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways. 

4 Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. 

5 You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me. 

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it. 

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence? 

8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 

9 If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 

10 even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me. 

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,” 

12 even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you. 

13 For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. 

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well. 

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them. 

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them! 

18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you. 

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!


O men of blood, depart from me! 

20 They speak against you with malicious intent;

your enemies take your name in vain. 

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?

And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? 

22 I hate them with complete hatred;

I count them my enemies. 

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts! 

24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!

The perfect Psalm to end on. Don’t you just love these verses? The intimacy. The love. All the things we desire. All the things we search for. And here they are freely given to us not because of who we are, but because of who He is. He doesn’t just know us based on what we share, He knows the very depths of who we are because He created us. He knows our thoughts before we do. He knows it all. And yet, He still loves us so. Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t always have good thoughts and I am not always what I expect Him to love. Far from it most days, but nonetheless, He loves us anyways. He loves us in spite of. And y’all. That’s something to be grateful for. 

Oh Lord, thank you. Thank you for choosing to love me even after knowing me. Thank you for loving me when I don’t deserve it. Thank you for loving me when it’s hard to love myself. Thank you for understanding this prayer even though I am falling very short of the words that I want to say. Thank you for knowing my thoughts before they even come to my mind. Because maybe, somewhere along them you will be able to know just how grateful I am for your love even when I can’t form the words to tell you. Lord, thank you. Lord, help this not be a fleeting moment, but send your helper to me so that I may constantly be reminded of your love and I can be grateful everyday. Because you are so good Lord. Lord, thank you. Amen.

 

Day Nine

Psalm 136:1-26

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,

for his steadfast love endures forever. 

2 Give thanks to the God of gods,

for his steadfast love endures forever. 

3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

4 to him who alone does great wonders,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

5 to him who by understanding made the heavens,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

6 to him who spread out the earth above the waters,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

7 to him who made the great lights,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

8 the sun to rule over the day,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

9 the moon and stars to rule over the night,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

10 to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

11 and brought Israel out from among them,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

12 with a strong hand and an outstretched arm,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

13 to him who divided the Red Sea in two,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

14 and made Israel pass through the midst of it,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

15 but overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

16 to him who led his people through the wilderness,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

17 to him who struck down great kings,


for his steadfast love endures forever; 

18 and killed mighty kings,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

19 Sihon, king of the Amorites,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

20 and Og, king of Bashan,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

21 and gave their land as a heritage,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

22 a heritage to Israel his servant,

for his steadfast love endures forever. 

23 It is he who remembered us in our low estate,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

24 and rescued us from our foes,

for his steadfast love endures forever; 

25 he who gives food to all flesh,

for his steadfast love endures forever. 

26 Give thanks to the God of heaven,

for his steadfast love endures forever.

And the list could go on and on and on. You’ll have to excuse me today. Usually, I can come up with the words, rather quickly. They just seem to fly out of my fingertips, but today, I’m just in complete awe at the Lord I serve. He did it all. Not only that, but He did it for us. He did it because He is truly in love with us. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around this. I’ve got a tiny understanding because I am a mom. I love my kids. And I do whatever I can for them out of that love. Despite how many mistakes they make or will make. Despite if they are grateful for what I do or not. Despite anything on their end. I do it because I love them and my love for them has no end. Compared to the love He has for us, this is just a fraction. If we ever needed a reminder, this Psalm is it. “For his steadfast love endures forever;” His love will never end. It will never run out. It will never be conditioned. Let that sink in for a minute. Because when you get that, when you understand what that means, it will change everything.    

Lord, thank you. Thank you for a love, an actual true love, that has no end. A love that is not dependent on me making the right choices. Thank you for loving me when I don’t deserve it. And even when I don’t want it. Thank you for loving me when I can’t even love myself. Lord, thank you. Amen. 

Today, take some time to really think about what this means. Write down in your gratitude journal what it means to you that God, the creator of Heaven and Earth and all things chooses to love you, just as you are. 

Day Eight

Psalm 118:1-29

1 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

for his steadfast love endures forever! 

2 Let Israel say,

“His steadfast love endures forever.” 

3 Let the house of Aaron say,

“His steadfast love endures forever.” 

4 Let those who fear the Lord say,

“His steadfast love endures forever.” 

5 Out of my distress I called on the Lord;

the Lord answered me and set me free. 

6 The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.

What can man do to me? 

7 The Lord is on my side as my helper;

I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. 

8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord

than to trust in man. 

9 It is better to take refuge in the Lord

than to trust in princes. 

10 All nations surrounded me;

in the name of the Lord I cut them off! 

11 They surrounded me, surrounded me on every side;

in the name of the Lord I cut them off! 

12 They surrounded me like bees;

they went out like a fire among thorns;

in the name of the Lord I cut them off! 

13 I was pushed hard, so that I was falling,

but the Lord helped me. 

14 The Lord is my strength and my song;

he has become my salvation. 

15 Glad songs of salvation

are in the tents of the righteous:

“The right hand of the Lord does valiantly, 

16 the right hand of the Lord exalts,

the right hand of the Lord does valiantly!” 

17 I shall not die, but I shall live,

and recount the deeds of the Lord. 

18 The Lord has disciplined me severely,

but he has not given me over to death. 

19 Open to me the gates of righteousness,


that I may enter through them

and give thanks to the Lord. 

20 This is the gate of the Lord;

the righteous shall enter through it. 

21 I thank you that you have answered me

and have become my salvation. 

22 The stone that the builders rejected

has become the cornerstone. 

23 This is the Lord’s doing;

it is marvelous in our eyes. 

24 This is the day that the Lord has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it. 

25 Save us, we pray, O Lord!

O Lord, we pray, give us success! 

26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!

We bless you from the house of the Lord. 

27 The Lord is God,

and he has made his light to shine upon us.

Bind the festal sacrifice with cords,

up to the horns of the altar! 

28 You are my God, and I will give thanks to you;

you are my God; I will extol you. 

29 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

for his steadfast love endures forever!

It really is true. Everything belongs to the Lord. All of it. Not only that, but there is not one thing I can do without Him. I think back to all the times I’ve trusted man over God. All the times that I have patiently (well, maybe not patiently) waited for someone to deliver me from whatever was going on in my life. I have called out to man instead of God more times than I can count. No wonder I prefaced this story with ‘all the times’ because man cannot do what God can. Because man cannot deliver ourselves from anything. Because none of this is ours. It’s His. He is the one we can call on. The one who will reach down to us and pull us out of whatever trouble we have found ourselves in. And even when we don’t call on Him, there He is with outstretched arms, calling out to us. Praise God, He reaches down to us. 

Lord, thank you. Thank you for knowing what I need before I do. Thank you for always being there despite my stubbornness to do it on my own or with the help of someone who isn’t qualified. Lord, thank you for wanting to help me. To find delight in helping me. Lord, come into my heart and help to remind me that you are the one I can call on, always.  No matter what the circumstance is, You are always there. 


And I’m (still) Celebrating

Can you believe it’s been two years? 

Two whole years.

On one hand it seems like nothing. Just a blink. On the other, so much has changed. 

Today, I woke up grateful. 

Grateful that two years ago you decided to leave me. 

I knew when I met you that you would change my life, but I had no idea what that would look like. 

But you did. 

You changed everything. 

And I am so grateful. 

It’s funny, but I look forward to this day. I take it all in. 

And then you know what I do next? 

I celebrate. 

I celebrate all of it. 

The high’s. The low’s. The times when I wasn’t sure how I was going to get back up. And the times I never thought I’d come back down. 

You have given me an opportunity to grow and to find compassion in places I thought impossible. 

Without even knowing it, you have taught me grace. 

I have grown closer to Him. Setting an example to our kids that it is easier to love than to hate. 

I won’t lie and say it’s been easy. It hasn’t. But it’s been worth it. 

So, today I’m gonna celebrate. 

Still. 

Day Seven

Psalm 103:1-22

1 Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and all that is within me,

bless his holy name! 

2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits, 

3 who forgives all your iniquity,

who heals all your diseases, 

4 who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 

5 who satisfies you with good

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. 

6 The Lord works righteousness

and justice for all who are oppressed. 

7 He made known his ways to Moses,

his acts to the people of Israel. 

8 The Lord is merciful and gracious,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 

9 He will not always chide,

nor will he keep his anger forever. 

10 He does not deal with us according to our sins,

nor repay us according to our iniquities. 

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 

12 as far as the east is from the west,

so far does he remove our transgressions from us. 

13 As a father shows compassion to his children,

so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. 

14 For he knows our frame;

he remembers that we are dust. 

15 As for man, his days are like grass;

he flourishes like a flower of the field; 

16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,

and its place knows it no more. 

17 But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,

and his righteousness to children’s children, 

18 to those who keep his covenant

and remember to do his commandments. 

19 The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,

and his kingdom rules over all. 

20 Bless the Lord, O you his angels,

you mighty ones who do his word,

obeying the voice of his word! 

21 Bless the Lord, all his hosts,

his ministers, who do his will! 

22 Bless the Lord, all his works,

in all places of his dominion.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

I always try to find one particular verse that stands out to me and touches my heart in a way that the bothers just don’t. But I struggled today. Because these verses all hit me in a very powerful way. I love this Psalm because it is another reminder of just who He is and what He has done and what He is capable of. I’ve been known to place Him into a box. Something that I could understand. Something that would make sense to me. Something contained because when He’s not in the box He is big and I can have a hard time understanding who He is. But this Psalm reminds me that I can’t fit Him into a box, not really. Because He is that big. He is that complex. And no matter how hard I try to understand it all, I just won’t. Despite my best efforts, it’s not me who is in control. It’s Him. And I am grateful for the reminder today. 

Lord, thank you. Thank you for not being able to fit into a box. Thank you for this amazing reminder. Because you do so much and you are so much. And I don’t always get it or understand it, but that doesn’t change who you are. And thank goodness for that. Amen.

Day Six

Psalm 98:1-9

1 Oh sing to the Lord a new song,

for he has done marvelous things!

His right hand and his holy arm

have worked salvation for him. 

2 The Lord has made known his salvation;

he has revealed his righteousness in the sight of the nations. 

3 He has remembered his steadfast love and faithfulness

to the house of Israel.

All the ends of the earth have seen

the salvation of our God. 

4 Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth;

break forth into joyous song and sing praises! 

5 Sing praises to the Lord with the lyre,

with the lyre and the sound of melody! 

6 With trumpets and the sound of the horn

make a joyful noise before the King, the Lord! 

7 Let the sea roar, and all that fills it;

the world and those who dwell in it! 

8 Let the rivers clap their hands;

let the hills sing for joy together 

9 before the Lord, for he comes

to judge the earth.

He will judge the world with righteousness,

and the peoples with equity.

Do you ever just thank God for all that He has done? I catch myself driving in the car or sitting at a familar place and I just look around and can’t help, but be overwhelmed by His goodness. His beauty that is displayed, even in this very broken world of ours, is breathtaking when you sit back and actually take it all in. Except that I don’t do that nearly enough. Not that it is a requirement of His. But I don’t. But despite what I may see or not see, He is still so very good. And I should be continually praising and glorifying Him because, well, just look, y’all. Where ever you are, just look. 

Lord, thank you. Thank you for all of this. No matter what our view is, thank you. Because it is good. And you are good. And your attention to detail is something to be thankful for. Lord, help me to be more grateful for your creations. For the views and things I take for granted. Because there is nothing familiar about any of it. Lord, change my heart and help me to see the beauty in all of it. And then help me to find and give thanks to you for even the smallest details. I pray these things in your name. Amen.