I’m sure I’ve written something similar before. Something along these same lines. I know, because I remember crying out to Him, asking Him “why” over and over again.
I already know the answer. And I’m sort of grateful for that. Because I’m not in this place of wondering anymore.
Because I know.
I think back to all the lessons that got me here. The hard ones where I found myself at rock bottom, clinging to anything and everything.
But it doesn’t make it any easier.
I’ve experienced loss. But not in this way.
I’ve had prayers answered in a way I would have preferred them not to be.
And maybe I thought if I just prayed really hard, He would get it. He would know what this meant to me. He would know how important it was to me.
Maybe if I prayed harder, He would have mercy on me.
I am grateful to know He’s here. And to know that He is hurting too.
Some people would have you believe that He is a vengeful Father. Or that I must have done something to deserve this.
I’ve had those same thoughts too.
But no matter how much I think that, I can’t prove it to be true. Not even for a second.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.”
I have felt very alone and isolated in all of this. In this ‘us vs. them’ environment it’s hard not to.
I have prayed for close friends and complete strangers. I have asked Him to forgive them. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s what He tells us to do.
And maybe that’s the good part right now.
Maybe my story will help you tell yours. Or maybe it will give you the compassion to treat others the way He has treated you.
Because even on my best days, I fall short.
So maybe this is the good that comes from the worst pain you can imagine.
Maybe this is what He means when He says “In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.”
I wouldn’t put it past Him. Turning our messes into His beautiful masterpieces.
I mean, just look at us.