I took myself on a date last night.
And you want to know something?
It was perfect.
Perfect because I didn’t have to worry about what I was going to wear.
Perfect because I could just be without worrying about trying to make an impression.
Perfect because I didn’t have to worry about anything.
Not even finding a babysitter.
I bought myself flowers.
And the biggest steak I could find.
I lit a candle. You know, to set the mood.
I poured myself a glass of wine.
It was quiet.
I got to eat as much as I wanted. And have an extra glass of wine without anyone judging me.
I got to be comfortable. Not just because I was wearing my pajamas, but because I got to be me.
For dessert I had cheesecake.
And realized that I should probably order dessert more when I’m on dates.
I got to listen to music.
Read a little of my new book.
And not wonder if the guy across from me was going to call me the next day.
Because I don’t know about you, but dating sucks.
I remember shortly after Justin left that I finally felt ready to start dating. I was naive enough to think that dating would be this amazingly fun thing that I got to do now. The silver lining of a very dark cloud.
I looked forward to those first dates. The ones where your stomach found itself in knots because this could be it. This could be your last first date ever.
Turns out, not only am I completely naive, but I am also a hopeless romantic.
And while I won’t say all of my dates have been a bust, I will say it’s exhausting. And it can drive a girl crazy.
But most of all, it can make you lose sight of what’s important.
So I took myself on a date.
My kids looked at me like I was crazy.
‘But who’s going to have dinner with you?’ ‘Wait, so you’re just going to be alone?’ ‘Mom, that’s sad.’
Maybe it is. Maybe this is just me being naive again.
Do I wish there had been someone else to cook for? Absolutely.
Do I wish there had been two wine glasses to put in the dishwasher at the end of the night? Of course.
But there is something so empowering learning to accept that there might only be dinner for one. And there might only be one wine glass.
And that’s okay.
I’d be lying if I said I hope that’s what happens. I don’t. I want someone looking at me from across the table. I want the romance.
I want the happy ending.
I also wouldn’t mind help with the dishes. ;)
But what I’ve learned over these last few months is that I don’t just want anyone there.
I’m letting Him choose.
And so for right now the other seats are empty.
And that’s okay.
Because I took myself on a date last night.