I don’t know about you, but I can be a sucker for knowledge.
I am a learner. I pride myself on learning new things. Learning about things. Being able to discuss things. The more I think about it, the more I recognize that this, too, was just another defense mechanism I learned to perfect (see what I did there?) in order to hide the things I didn’t want people to see.
Give me a subject that I am the least bit interested in and I’ll learn all about it. And because I have such a competitive side to me, I’ll even attempt to learn the most about it. More than anyone else I know. Only to show off, again another defense mechanism, but still, I’ll out learn anyone, well, within reason.
That’s how my relationship started with Him. Years ago, before I really knew Him, I was set out to learn all about Him so I could make my point that He wasn’t what everyone claimed He was.
Did I believe in Him? Absolutely. But the problem with Christianity is, well, Christians.
We can certainly make a mess out of things. And a lot of times, the outsider looking in, doesn’t see Christ at all, but just a bunch of gossiping, fakers, who only know how to point the finger at others. (Don’t worry, I’m not talking about you, only myself.)
So I studied. And I did my best to learn the facts, but I just couldn’t. Not really.
I could hide behind my bible and Google.
People actually believed I knew what I was talking about, when I didn’t even believe most of it myself.
But I was smart. I was knowledgeable. And darn, if I couldn’t fake it until I made it.
Fast forward years later, when I found myself alone in Houston in a marriage that my husband didn’t want to be in, and I started to learn. But the thing was, it wasn’t that I was learning facts. The in’s and out’s. Nope. The thing was, I was finally learning about Him.
We were just beginning our relationship.
Suddenly, I was able to memorize scripture. When people would ask me questions or share what was going on in their life, I could point to familiar verses that had helped me through a similar situation.
It was like I began to know Him.
I didn’t just use the Bible as a decorative piece in my house to make my guests think that I knew what I was talking about, but I actually used it as a living, breathing, book of truth.
Suddenly, it wasn’t just a bunch of words. Rules. Things that He would be disappointed in me for. Nope, this was life.
Everything I needed to know was right here in this book.
And when I stopped trying to know the facts, the details, the formulas, when I stopped trying to force it, and I just started to focus on my relationship with Him, that’s when I learned the most.
So in today’s reading, I feel for Israel. I get it. I was there.
For a very long time in my life, there was ‘no truth, no faithful love, and no knowledge of God.’
While I was busy trying to learn all the things, I was missing the point.
I could have all the knowledge in the world, but the one thing I didn’t know, the one thing that I should have known, the one thing you might be struggling to know, is that God loves us.
Everything else, well, I won’t say none of it matters, but you get my gist.
I spent years trying to learn the rest. Trying to prove or disprove. But the thing is, the moment I realized just how much He loves me, well, that’s the moment I figured it all out.
That’s the moment I knew it all.
Lord, thank you that instead of settling for knowing about you we actually get to know you, but more than that, you know us. Completely. And in spite of all our brokenness and all of our faults you still love us. Not because of anything we have done or will do, but because you are just that good. Thank you for letting us know just how good you are because it changes everything. Because it changed me. Amen.