And I’m Celebrating

I thought about this day for a long time. A whole year to be exact. 

I thought about where I would be. What my life would like. If I would be okay. 

I never imagined you would actually leave me, not for good anyways. I got pretty used to you always walking out, but the thing was, you’d always walk back in. 

I have to be honest, I’m having a hard time knowing that you’re spending the day, my wedding anniversary, with another woman. 

This isn’t a plea to get you back. And I don’t hate her, despite what you might think, but this was our day. 

For 5 years it was our day. It was the one day where we both remembered how much we loved each other. Where we would forget how much we hurt each other. It was the one day where we could start over and get back to the basics. Back to what made us, us. 

But now, well, now it’s my day. 

I can still remember the way I felt walking down the ‘aisle’ to you. The way I felt when our eyes finally met. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that feeling. I just knew this was it. 

And then it wasn’t. 

I had convinced myself that I couldn’t live without you. That I needed you. That I wasn’t enough. And I never would be. 

But then I was. 

Because this year has been the best year of my life. Because this year I learned to do it on my own. Well, with His help, of course. This year I did things I never imagined. 

Things you told me I would never do. 

Things I told myself I could never do. 

So today, instead of crying or being angry or being sad. Today I choose happy. 

I might not be celebrating our anniversary. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still celebrate. 

And so, today, I’m choosing to celebrate me. 

Because this day doesn’t have to be a bad one. Because I don’t have a single regret about any of it. Not even driving back 18 hours just to have you walk out for good. 

Because, if anything, this past year has taught me that I am a fighter. And I am faithful. And that I loved you with every fiber of my being. And so I have no regrets. 

But now, instead of loving you, I get to love myself. 

So today is my day. 

And I’m celebrating. 

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