Closure Part One

I’m titling this as part one because I just have a feeling there will be a part two. I don’t know for sure, yet, but I just have a feeling.

I’m going to Texas this weekend. Doing my best to pack up the last 10 years of my life and try to figure out how to get it here, to North Carolina.

I miss my stuff. My things. Our things, but I am not looking forward to this trip.

I have begged and pleaded to God to let this happen any other way, but there must be a lesson here. Somewhere in our things.

Because I’m going to Texas this weekend.

It’s easy to be happy when you aren’t thinking about it. Aren’t thinking about your marriage not working. Not thinking about your lease ending on the place you shared with someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. It’s easy when it’s out of sight, out of mind.

But now I’m having to close that chapter. Turn that page. And find that closure.

It’s not that I expected things to be different. He left. I moved on. It would never be the way it was or the way it should have been. It was over. But now it’s like really over.

For so long it was Lauren and. And now it’s just not.

It’s just real now. It hasn’t been real yet, or it has and I just haven’t felt it. But now, it’s real.

Now it’s just so real.

So here goes Part One.

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