I guess I should say it again. The calls, the messages, even the emails. I know you guys are worried. I get it, but really. I’m okay.
Y’all, I am fine.
Actually, that’s a lie. I’m better than ‘fine’ and ‘okay’. I am not sad. I am not angry. I am probably the happiest I have been in a very, very, very long time and for the first time it has nothing to do with anyone else and how they make me feel, but rather, it has to do with me and how I make myself feel.
I don’t know if y’all know this, but I’m kind of a badass. ;)
No, seriously, it has been a very long time since I actually loved myself, liked myself, trusted myself. For years, it was always someone else making the decisions for me. It wasn’t forced, so please don’t take that the wrong way, but I let it happen. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. And I was looking to everyone and everything else to tell me.
Now is the first time in a really long time where I’m calling the shots. And it turns out I’m not that bad after all.
I don’t know when I stopped loving myself. I can’t pinpoint an exact time, but I know I did. I couldn’t love myself and maybe that’s what made it hard for others to love me, who knows?
But, I’m great. Really. I wake up with purpose and drive. I know who’s in charge. And I’m incredibly happy. I didn’t even know people could be this happy.
I can finally breathe. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that. I know haven’t taken the easy way to get here, I probably still won’t take it all the time, but the ride has been breathtaking. And I don’t regret a single moment. It made me who you see now.
And I don’t know about you, but I really like what I see.
So no, I’m not crazy. I’m not delusional. It isn’t pretend. This is me. This is who I am. This is who I’ve always been, and now she can finally come out.