Oh, man. God has really been laying it all out for me since you left. Are you ready for this?
I can’t fix you.
Actually, I can’t even be the reason you get fixed.
For so long I have held it all together, well I’ve tried anyways. I’m exhausted. I have righted your wrongs. I have fixed your mistakes. I have kept you from hitting rock bottom.
I think I did it out of love. I hope I did. Maybe, part of me did it out of fear. What would happen to me, to us, to our family if I let you fall. Whatever the reason, I did it.
For years, I did it. I have been so protective over you. I still am. But if I’ve learned anything over these last 6 days, it’s that I can’t fix you.
I can’t fix you and that’s the part that kills me the most. I don’t know what lessons you’ve been learning or if you’ve been learning anything at all, but I think this is one of those lessons that I should have learned years ago. It’s one of those things that God lets you do on your own until you just kind of stop doing it and that’s where I am.
I had to stop. And now I’m catching my breath. And it hurts.
You know I would do anything for you. And I hate that I haven’t been able to do this, but now I know that if there is any hope of us getting through this, you have to do it on your own.
This is your fight.
I will absolutely stand by you, if you want me to, well, let’s be honest, even if you don’t, but this is your fight. Even though for a long, long, long time I tried to make it about me, it wasn’t. It isn’t. It never was.
This is your fight. It’s about you.
Oh, how I wish I had learned this earlier. But still, no regrets because I learned it now. And if anything, that gives me hope that you can still learn. It’s never too late.
I know that most days it probably feels like it is. The damage is done. How could you ever forgive yourself? But that’s where He comes in. He’s already forgiven you. Just like He’s already forgiven me.
You’re right, we don’t deserve it, but He didn’t do it for us. He did it because that’s who He is. He is love.
I am praying for you to receive His love. And I am calling on everyone I know to pray with me. I know that if you do, all that hurt and pain and disgust and regret, all of that will go away because you will see what He sees. You are His adopted son and He loves you. Even when you don’t deserve it. Even when you can’t understand it. He just does. I know that because while our stories are different, they’re almost all exactly alike.
The truth is we all need Him. Desperately.
So it’s up to you now. I know there have been a lot of people in your life who haven’t believed in you. Who don’t see the potential I see, but even though I can’t fight your fight, I’m still standing in your corner.
Truth is, I’ll always stand in your corner.
But more than that, I just want you to remember that He’s standing in your corner. And that’s all you really need.
You got this. Because He’s got this. I’m just praying you give it to Him.