I believe most people would rather classify these kinds of things as ‘coincidences’. They always do, but I don’t believe in coincidences.
I believe in Him.
A few months ago I entered into a contest hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries. I never win anything, but it was almost like I was testing God.
To enter the contest to win this book you had to comment why you wanted to win. What this book would mean to you.
Most of you probably don’t know how much I don’t like myself. How much I struggle with acceptance and self worth. I do a fantastic job at manipulating the perception others have of me because I just don’t know if I’m ready to face the truth.
Actually, I do know. I’m not ready.
The truth is I have no idea what it means to love myself. I don’t know what that looks like or how you do it. It’s a foreign concept to me.
Now, before we go any further I want to make sure that you understand that this is not a post for you to feel sorry for me. That’s not why I’m sharing, but I am sharing so you can see just how He works. Because the truth is, He’s always working.
Before I even knew about the contest I prayed for Him to show me how to love myself. I asked Him over and over to let me see what He sees. I needed a ‘how to’. I needed it explained in simple terms. In a way that I could understand because that’s just the kind of person I am. I need to know what to do.
And then I saw the book.
I remember laughing out loud. I added my comment. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but I shared that I believed this was God responding to me. This was Him letting me know He heard.
“We’ll see if you’re actually listening,” I challenged out loud.
A few weeks later, I get an email telling me I had won the book.
I remember laughing out loud again.
The publisher would be sending it and it would take 3-4 months to get here, the email explained. A few weeks passed and I ended up forgetting all about it.
And now fast forward to this week.
I just finished my latest book and couldn’t decide on what to start next. I had a few lying around the house that I could read, but I didn’t really want to. Something kept holding me back.
So I went out today to run a few errands. I contemplated going to the bookstore to pick up something new since I couldn’t decide on anything to read, but decided to come home first and take a look on Amazon. (I love making sure I get the best deals.)
Last minute, I decided to check the mail before I came home and inside I found a package.
Now it may seem like nothing to y’all. It may seem like something so small, but to me this was huge. There was the book.
The book that arrived way earlier than expected. The book that I had forgotten all about. The book that had managed to capture exactly who I was and exactly how I felt just from glancing at the cover.
What happened was a conversation between us. The two of us. Father and Daughter. A conversation that I have walked away from every other time, certain He hadn’t been paying attention. Certain He hadn’t been listening, but this was proof that not only had He been listening, but that He had heard me.
Every time, He heard me.
He even made it happen in a way that would give me something to share with you. That was actually another prayer of mine. I had felt like most of you have probably felt like I have. But I didn’t have the words to talk about it. And then He gave me the words.
There is so much that I love about what He has done in this situation, but What I think I love the most is how He pays attention to the most delicate of details. Like this was made exclusively for me. The whole thing. From start to finish. He planned the whole thing just for us. He made sure that I knew this was for me. Because just like the back of the book says:
- If you wander off, God will find you.
- If you are afraid, He will reassure you.
- If you are broken, He will restore you.
- If you are ashamed, He will cover you.
- If you give up on Him, He will not give up on you.
Because even when we feel invisible He always sees us and He’s always listening.