It’s been 15 minutes and all I can do is pace around the house, smiling, and looking up because He is just so amazing.
Wasn’t it just the other day where I was talking about needing to know the ‘whys and the hows’?! Wasn’t I just saying how it helped me? How my life was less chaotic? How I liked to know the answers.
Yeah, I thought so. So imagine my pleasant surprise when He answered me this morning.
I woke up angry today. I won’t go into details, but I was angry. And I thought I was justified.
I could be angry. It was allowed. Show me someone who wouldn’t be angry. I challenged.
I stewed as I looked through homeschool curriculums. I googled different lessons and record-keeping ideas.
You can always tell how angry I am by how organized and focused I am on whatever it is I’m doing. Or how clean my house is.
I was focused. And the house was clean.
I decided to message my aunt. She had homeschooled all three of my cousins and she told me if I ever needed anything that I could ask her.
So I sent her a message.
Now I don’t believe in coincedences at all. I believe everything happens the way He wants it to. So as she answered each of my questions about homeschool, the conversation took a turn.
At first you wouldn’t have been able to tell. The conversation just flowed. But then there He was. He was sending me the messages.
He was on the other line, but He was in my mind too. As soon as I would read His response I would hear the doubt, the enemy, and He quickly dismissed it and filled the empty space with His love and peace.
I found myself reading an article about what it meant to be a Christian.
Now, I think I’m a Christian. I have believed with my whole heart, body, mind, spirit, that I am a Christian, but then I read this article and suddenly I wasn’t as sure.
Actually, that’s not entirely true. I knew I was a Christian, but I wasn’t sure that anyone else could tell.
Then I began to think about my family. My husband and my children specifically. Could they even tell I was a Christian?
It breaks my heart to admit to you that, no, they probably couldn’t.
Holy heck, talk about a conviction!
As I read further He gives me the answer on how to be a Christian. What that means. What that looks like. He even did it in a short, concise, easy to read, explanation. He knew my first thought would be ‘well how do I do it then?’
Turns out, I’ve read this stuff a thousand times before.
But I’ve never read it like this.
He’s waiting on my answer. I’m waiting on my answer.
See, it’s so much more than just going to church and writing about your faith on a blog. It’s denying yourself. It’s taking up the cross and enduring the struggles, and maybe even being kind of thankful for them. It’s following and conforming to Jesus’ life and teachings in everyday life.
Oh, see I have no problem finding Jesus when I’ve been knocked to the ground. When I’m on my knees unable to pull myself up. But when I’m just coasting along with no devastating news to crush me, I find myself running ahead and trying to do it my way.
There’s so much about my life that involves me and not so much that involves Him and I’m not even sure I know how to change that, but then He reminds me that He is the way. I do that only with Him. It would be impossible to do it without Him.
So that’s what we do. We start there.