I started reading a new book yesterday. I’m only on the first few pages, but something already stood out to me.
The author suggests that everything is in our attitude. He suggests that we have the ability to decide our attitude and, well, if you have a positive attitude life is good.
At first, I started to disagree. Life can’t be good all of the time. No one can have that kind of positive attitude all of the time, and besides WE can’t truly change our attitude. Only He can. So I stopped to pray.
I asked God to change my attitude.
There were no flashes of lightening. No loud booms of thunder, but something had happened.
My attitude changed.
I looked at my kids and appreciated their neediness for their mom. I don’t know about you, but if you are a mom, it’s not always easy to enjoy being wanted all of the time. To never get a break. To always have someone needing something. But suddenly, I was grateful for their needs.
I wanted them to need me.
As my husband laid snoring next to me, having fallen asleep on top of the blanket, usually I would have been, well, let’s just say I wouldn’t have been happy, but instead I was. I was just happy he was next to me.
I began to notice all of the ‘things’ I have to be thankful for. Things that I most often take for granted. I am ashamed to admit how unsatisfied I have been with all that God has given me. Never really appreciating it for what it was. Never really appreciating who I was.
More. I wanted more. I always wanted more.
Promotions. Raises. Vacations. You name it. I wanted it. I would pray and pray and pray for these things. Convincing myself that if I just got ‘this’ or ‘that’ then I would be happy. Then life would be good. I would have made it.
I am even more ashamed to admit that I often wanted those answered prayers more than I wanted Him.
Idolatry had slipped into my life without me even blinking an eye. I suppose I had convinced myself that as long as I wasn’t worshiping some carved image that I was fine, but the truth is you can pretty much worship anything. You don’t actually need any kind of image. It’s just that easy to do.
Like a gentle arm around my shoulder He reminded me that those things I want, those feelings, all of it, well, it can ONLY come from Him. No promotion, no raise, no vacations, nothing else would ever be enough. Just Him.
I woke up this morning even more excited and grateful than the night before. No, nothing was different. My life looked very much the same from the outside. The kids still needed a thousand things and the husband still snored, except this time he was under the blanket, but I was happy to see it just the way it was.
There was no time wasted comparing myself to others and their achievements. No one else would ever be Justin’s wife or Jaxsyn and Adelaide’s mom.
No one else would ever get to be Lauren.
A simple prayer has changed my attitude. And with that, He changed my world.
Turns out someone can be that joyful all of the time. You can be content and grateful for what you have and not just for the things you seek. Because I have learned that when you seek Him, you find everything.