Sleeping on the Couch

It’s no secret that I have my fair share of stumbles in this Chrisitan walk that I am on. 

I have spent most of my life believing that my stumbles have been a direct result from lack of faith, distrust, and my slight obsession with always being in control.

But I was wrong. 

I believe. I completely, 100% whole-heartedly believe in God the father, Jesus Christ the son, and the Holy Spirit. Not a doubt in my mind that all 3 exist and all 3 are 1. I know that Jesus died for me. I know these things because I experience them every single day of my life. Even when I’m not looking.

It may take me awhile, but eventually I always trust God. Don’t forget Romans 8:28, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him.” How can you not trust that? Not to mention, He’s always been there for me. He’s never abandoned me. 

And yes, while I do love being in control, I love more not being in control. And just like trust, it may take a bit of time for me to come around, but I make it. I give it up all to Him and I watch with huge eyes just how he takes care of every detail, even the ones I would have overlooked.

Nope, I am definitely a believer, but that struggle, those stumbles? Those are real.

As I was reading the bible this morning in my devotional I got to Acts 13. Now I have read Acts a few times. I think we may have even done a sermon series at church on the Book of Acts. I have read it various translations, including the Message which really helps when the bible doesn’t make sense. And I am even watching A.D. The Bible Series on Sunday nights. 

My point? I’ve read Acts a lot.

But today as I was reading the 13th chapter something suddenly hit me. I don’t understand sin. 

Let me explain, I know what it is. I know it is bad. I know God sent His only son to die to take it from us, but I don’t know what sin is. 

Do I do bad things? Of course. Have I lied? Yes. Have I hurt others? Of course. Have I broken any of the Ten Commandments? You betcha. But nothing happens when I do those things. I don’t usually experience sudden backlash from my poor decisions. I just keep living.

I’ve even been known to hide behind others’ sin. “Nope, nothing to see here…Oh, but Hey! Look over there. Look what they’re doing.”

And I just keep living. 

I don’t say these things to brag. This is ugly. I feel very exposed right now. What’s that word I’m looking for? Oh, convicted.

Perhaps the people who lived during the time of Acts and before, perhaps they got it. They understood because they understood sin. 

If they lied or hurt someone or broke one of the Ten Commandments there was a good chance that they would be thrown in prison, raped, or even stoned. They understood sin.

But we, here, today, we can just keep living. It’s almost like sin has become a part of our lives, such a familiar guest, that suddenly it’s been days, he hasn’t left, and he keeps sleeping on your couch, oh and he uses your towel! So gross. But he’s here’s. And you’re just so used to it.

What I have failed to realize or recognize is that sin is sin is sin. 

I’m at a loss of words. Embarrassed that it has taken me so long to understand this or at least be aware, but I am grateful that He loves me enough to show me this. To show me what I need to do. 

I may not be out there committing murder, but the reason Jesus died for all of our sin is because sin is sin is sin. 

We are so quick to shake our heads at the big sins, but we only turn our heads at the others. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been such a hypocrite lately. Such. A. Hypocrite. 

Well now I know. 

Now I can, now we can, do something different. Even as I’m typing this on my phone, (I knew I couldn’t wait to share this!) I am realizing just how broken I am. 

I am a sinner. 

I didn’t used to like that word. Growing up Methodist we didn’t use that word a whole lot. But here’s what I realize now. That word is ugly. It is gross and disgusting. It is scary. It is all these things and more IF you don’t know Jesus Christ. 

But if you do. If you know Jesus then sin is nothing. Sin has been defeated. It doesn’t get to be scary. It doesn’t get to have the final word. It lost. 

Now while I don’t think we should be excited to be sinners, I don’t think we should be embarrassed either. 

No more hiding. No more ‘baby’ sins or kinda sins. No more using the world’s standards as my ruler. Sin is sin is sin. That’s all there is to it, right? 

So instead, I am a FORGIVEN sinner. 

Much better. ❤️

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