So it’s been awhile, huh? I don’t even know where to begin and I’m not sure that I’m ready to share everything that’s been going on, but I miss writing. I miss you guys.
So what’s been going on? Let’s see. Without saying too much, a lot. A lot has been going on, but it is so good. It is so good because HE IS SO GOOD.
My life has completely changed. I am not who I was. There’s still a little bit of her inside of me, but I am so much better. So much happier.
I still haven’t stepped on a scale, but I can tell you that I am starting to be really healthy. I actually like what I see in the mirror and it has been a long time since that’s happened.
I’m starting to get my confidence back. I didn’t even know I had any left. But it’s here and it’s a beautiful thing. I wake up with a purpose now. I wake up knowing just how loved I am. It’s been awhile for that too!
You see, I’ve had a lot happen in the last month. Some of you know, most of you don’t. But a lot has happened. Nothing is as it was and I could have let that destroy me. The enemy wanted it to destroy me (he still does), but the truth is God is so good and He didn’t let that happen.
In all things, God works for the good of those who love him. Romans 8:28. IN ALL THINGS. Because He can do that. He can make the darkest hour of your life be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Just look at me.
I have learned so much in the last month. I’ve learned about who I am and who I want to be. I’ve learned not to act based on someone else’s actions, but to behave based on what makes Him proud.
I’m no longer ashamed of who I am.
I was broken. I was so very broken. And embarrassed. Blame it on my perfectionism or my desire to never fail, but living that way, pretending that everything was okay, destroyed me. It wasn’t until I became very honest with myself about who I was and just how broken I was (am). But you know what? It doesn’t matter to Him. He knows me inside and out and He chooses to love me anyways.
That’s what I want to do. So now I choose love.
There will come a time when I finally let it all out. Not yet though. It isn’t time. (Just wait though, this testimony is going to be HUGE!!) But when I do, it is my absolute prayer from the bottom of my heart, that when people finally know what’s been going on that they don’t focus on me, but that they see just how involved He was and is. I’m not standing because I’m strong or because I have a thick skin. I’m standing because I’m holding on to Him. He is my rock. And I just hope that people will see that and they will realize just how loved they are by Him. Because when you realize that He loves you and that He considers you His own, nothing else matters. Nothing.
Until next time friends!