Let’s do this.
I’ve been saying it to myself for years. Casually checking myself out in the mirror. Ready to take on the world.
You got this.
‘You are strong. You are beautiful. You can make it happen.’
But it was never enough. I never was victorious. I never really did much. Nope, looking back on it now, it was nothing.
I am nothing without Him.
I have been living my life so wrong. I’ve made things harder on myself, harder than they had to be. I have struggled. I have wasted time being angry, hurt, sad, defeated, the list goes on.
My time has been spent on worry and stress. I have wasted so much time.
You see, for months I have asked God for clarity. I felt He wanted me to give Him my marriage and my job. He kept reminding me that He would take care of it, but I just had to give it to Him.
Of course it was easy (Well, I should say ‘easier’) to give Him my marriage, I mean, He created it. The way I look at it it’s just as much His marriage as it is ours. But my job? I had no idea how to incorporate God into Beautycounter.
I prayed for months. ‘Lord, tell me what I need to do to give you Beautycounter. I am clueless. Tell me and I’ll do it. I just need you to tell me.’
I listened. ‘Just give it to me,’ He said.
Frustrated, I explained to Him that I didn’t know what that meant and I just kept trying to do it all on my own.
I changed my prayer up a little bit. ‘Lord, I have no clue what to do. I’m not even close to understanding, I’m begging you, be blunt.’
He heard me.
On Friday, I went to read my daily devotional. Before I opened it, I was urged to jot down some notes for a blog.
All of my blogs on faith? Yeah, He does that. He tells me exactly what to say. Every time. I’ve written some of my most read blogs on my phone while texting myself from the car. (Not driving, of course.)
So I’m texting myself on Friday from the couch. ‘Stop worrying. Stop stressing. I’ve got this. Remember, I’ve got this. All of this. Just give it to me.’ Of course it was a bit more detailed, but the theme was that I don’t have to wonder or worry or stress, He’s in control completely.
The truth is Justin and I have faced our fair share of struggles recently. It’s been tough. No one likes struggling. No one likes worrying about money or paying the bills late. And sometimes it would be easy for me to get upset with God. I mean, He’s God, He could fix all of this. He could give us exactly what we want. But we don’t tend to include Him. We try to fix it on our own. We don’t, but we don’t go down without a fight, bottom line, we’re exhausted.
So I’m texting, He’s telling me to give it to Him completely. He’s got this. We don’t need to worry.
So then I start thinking, there is always going to be struggle. (Cue Holy Spirit) Just because I am a Christian does not mean that my life will be easy and without struggle. We live in a broken world, that’s the truth, but even when we have to face those struggles, we’ve got Him, which means there is no difficulty or struggle that He can’t handle and we have all we need to get through it because we have Him.
Things began clicking. I know it was the Holy Spirit. I kept writing and jotting. I couldn’t stop. Everything was starting to make so much sense. When I was done, I caught my breath, picked my phone up, and opened my devotional.
“Have there ever been times in your life when you have found yourself wondering, ‘How long, O Lord?’ How long will these struggles and disappointments last? How long will we have these financial difficulties? How long will these health issues persist? How long will the difficulties in this relationship last? How long will I struggle with this addiction? How long will these intense temptations last? How long will it take me to get over this loss?”
As I read, I knew this was us talking. I was actually having a conversation with God. I know that sounds crazy, but I also know that that’s exactly what I was doing. We were talking. More importantly, He was talking and I was listening. We talked for hours.
The next day, I went to church. Justin decided to stay home with the kids. I almost stayed home too, but I just knew I had to hear more.
Then it happened again. Another conversation. Through the songs, through His word, and through the sermon, ‘Stop worrying, just give it to me.’
I left church new. I wasn’t who I was when I walked in. I finally got it. I finally understood exactly what He was saying. I cried the whole way home. Sobbing like a baby. I wasn’t sad, I was so happy because I finally understood and when you understand, oh my, it just takes your breath away.
For so long I had wondered how to give God Beautycounter and those other parts of my life, especially the ones where I was struggling, but it was never about giving Him parts of my life, it was about giving Him my whole life.
It means waking up each day and saying ‘Let’s do this’ together. It’s realizing I can’t do anything without Him. Nothing. I can’t do this on my own. Not a single piece. I spent too much time trying to do it on my own and for what? More struggle? More stress? No thanks. He’s all I need.
The truth is I need Him in every nook and crannie of my life. And if I have Him, seriously, what else would I possibly need? Nothing. Not one thing. He is enough.
He is more than enough.
It means that I stop worrying about marriage or bills or sales or paychecks or anything. It means taking that energy and putting into my relationship with Him. All I need to ‘worry’ about is if I’m making Him proud. He’s got everything else under control.
And it means that I can finally enjoy all of this.