Just Lay It Down

“I will continue to live this way as long as it glorifies Him.”

Of course I had been paying attention since she began speaking, but it was at this moment, when she spoke these 13 words that something happened to me.

He has never been that close before. No, I wasn’t looking at a burning bush, but this was something just as big.

He was there. He was so there. And everyone knew it.

Here was a woman who had been so broken. Abuse? Disease? Infertility? She was so broken, but sitting in the back, watching her, I didn’t see pieces missing, I saw wholeness. And fullness. It was in those missing pieces that you could see Him. I had never witnessed anything like it before. But he was there and He was very real. And you could see His power and strength all over her.

No, I’ve never been through what she had. Not even close, but it was during the aftermath of the affair, before I had given that over to God, before I realized that I couldn’t do that on my own, that I would never heal on my own, it was only when I let God fix me that I began to heal. I am a strong person, and I could tell that she was too, but we both knew that we couldn’t do it alone, it was something that only He could fix.

But it wasn’t just her and God. They had become a team. Much like God and I had become a team.

While she may have felt uncomfortable, I know I would have, it’s easy to share my story from behind the computer screen. You can’t see the tears that fall onto the keyboard. You can’t see me tremble and shake as I recall the memories that hurt the most, but while she may have felt uncomfortable, I couldn’t tell. All I saw in front of me was a beautiful wife, mother, daughter, friend and dancer.

He took her brokenness and made her beautiful. Did you hear that? He took her brokenness and made her beautiful. And while her story was much more than mine has ever been, we are still daughters of the same King, we are sisters too and so if He can do that for her, He can do that for us. He can take our brokenness and make us beautiful too.

“I will continue to live this way as long as it glorifies Him.”

Again, I haven’t been through anything close to what she has experienced, but I’ve had my own pain and my own stories, most of which star me.

I’m tired of the attention. I don’t want to take center stage anymore. Now it’s about Him.

And when He does things like He did on Saturday afternoon at HopePointe Anglican Church, well He deserves all the glory and everyone deserves to know who He is.

I will take every season of life that He has for me and I will take every blessing or lesson He has for me. Whatever it is I will do it as long as if glorifies Him because if this is what He does, if that is how He feels or what being immersed in His love feels like, well I want more.

I want so much more and I want you to have it too.

What I experienced Saturday afternoon will stay with me forever. I want so badly for you to experience it too. All of you. It was just THAT AMAZING. I wish I were doing it better justice, but I’m afraid I don’t know a word that would even come close to describing it to you, a word like that may not even exist, but I want so badly for you to experience it.

Finally, I’m going to change the format for a bit. I just have to share this because I believe that there is someone reading this who needs to hear this. I believe that God is speaking directly to you through this and He wants you to hear this. I remember thinking that I was too much for God. What do I mean? I mean, I felt like God couldn’t fix me. The enemy convinced me that my God, while, yeah, He was big, but He wasn’t BIG enough to fix me, to forgive me, to love me. I spent a long time believing the enemy, but all it was was a lie. That’s how the enemy works. He just lies and tricks us. God is much bigger than me. He can handle anything. And He’s is already one step ahead of me. So my point being, don’t let the enemy trick you. Whatever it is that you are holding on to, lay it down before Him. He already knows. And He’s not worried at all. He can handle it, just lay it down before Him and finally get to experience who He is and what it means to be loved by Him.

It’s so worth it.

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