I have to admit that I’ve been a bit of a complainer lately. It’s true, I’ve had my fair share of ‘life’ thrown at me these last few months, well years, if you want to get technical, and there are days, most days, when I throw my hands up and say ‘enough already!’. I’m flustered. I’m hurt. I’m angry. But more than that, I am ungrateful.
It is not a secret to anyone who’s met me, I do not like it here. I think that I tried to like it, to make myself like it, but I just can’t. This place represents so much of what I’m not.
It is also a constant reminder of what I don’t have.
I have tried to justify why God has brought me here. I’ve tried to wrap my mind around it. I’ve even tried to speak on God’s behalf, but if I can be honest with you, I don’t know and after months of research I’m not even close to understanding.
I only search for those answers, those missing pieces, so I can make myself feel better. So there could be a reason for all of these sufferings and, well, inconveniences.
But then it hit me. It doesn’t matter why I’m here. I don’t need to know the reason, let alone, understand the reason. All I need to know is that I am exactly where He wants me to be.
I’ll give it a minute to sink in. It’s taken me over a year and half to understand this. I am here because He wants me to be. You are where you are because He wants you to be. Because it’s His plan. His fight. His war. He is our commander and we are His soldier. I don’t know much about the military, but I know that they follow their commands and they don’t ask why.
Why am I always asking why?
I’m not going to lie and pretend like this season of my life has been my favorite, it hasn’t. It’s been hard. Harder than anything else I’ve ever been through. I wouldn’t want to repeat this season ever again, but even in the midst of it, I realize just how important each of these steps has been and will be.
Because that’s the kind of God we serve. He can take the hardest steps, the moments that we wish we could just forget, the moments that have left us barely breathing, and He can make them perfect.
In a moment that looks like defeat, that feels like defeat, He can claim us victorious. And most times, because we are too busy worrying, wondering, forgetting we don’t even realize we’ve won.
But the bottom line is we won. Every single time we win because He’s there with us.
No matter the battle. No matter the season. No matter the enemy. He’s there and so we win.
And I don’t know about you, but when I win it makes me feel good. I feel like I’m on top of the world! And especially when I win battles like this. Battles where it would have been easier to walk away. Where it would have made sense to walk away, but I didn’t. I stayed. I fought. And we won. Those battles, those victories, well they remind me that He’s all I’ll ever need. He’s all any of us will ever need.
This might not change the scenery outside. I have a big list of places I’d rather be, but what I know, is He’s here with me and together, well, I can handle anything.
12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:12-13