As most of you know my kids and I were in a terrible accident earlier this year. By the grace of God and only the grace of God were we able to walk away from it, mostly unharmed.
I use the word ‘mostly’ because my shoulder still hurts a little. I can’t move my arm the same way I used to, and because I am scared to death to ride in the car with people.
I’m not exaggerating. I have panic attacks when I’m a passenger. For the most part I can keep it under wraps, but I’m dying inside. The thought of being completely out of control, especially when my kids are involved, is almost too much for.
There are days, most days, when I would rather sit in the house, because I know, or I think I know, that nothing bad can happen.
I silently grind my teeth and pray until we arrive at our destination. My hands get sweaty. I try to talk so I’m not just sitting there thinking about it, but sometimes the fear is too much that I just stop. I lose my train of thought. And the fear takes over again.
But what am I afraid of?
The other day it hit me. I have nothing to fear. Nothing. Think about that. Think about the things that you fear. I’m telling you, we don’t have to fear those things.
I have a limited number of breaths on this earth, in this life. Limited. There is a set number. I don’t know how many. He does. He decided how many breaths I would have before I even took my first breath. The truth is that I will die whenever God decided that I would die. I will die however He decided. It’s already been written. My story is written. Your story is written.
So then, I began to think about what it meant to have my story already written. Well, that means that everything is already predetermined and since there is nothing, NOTHING, that I can do to change or prevent my story from happening, including my death then why even waste my time worrying about it?
Life is too short to worry about something I have absolutely no control over. Why wouldn’t I or you want to spend time thinking about other things. I mean, right off the top of my head, I know that I would rather think about my children, my husband, my family.
I would rather ‘waste’ my time thinking about them rather than thinking about something that I can’t influence.
I should be spending time loving people and showing love. I should be spending my time giving glory to God and thanking Him for all that I have, even if I think it’s silly. Even if I think He already knows. Why not tell Him?
Instead of thinking about all of the terrible things I think of when it comes to a car, why can’t I thank Him for letting me have a car or I could thank him for my friend who comes to pick me and my kids up each week for bible study.
Instead of letting fear take over, why don’t I thank Him for letting me and my kids walk away from that overturned minivan with mainly scratches. I felt the presence of God in that moment. I knew, as we were spinning out of control, I knew that He was in complete control and in those few short seconds, I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t afraid for myself. I wasn’t afraid for my friend who was driving. And I wasn’t afraid for my kids. In those few seconds, I felt Him wrap his arms around that van, and right before I was knocked unconscious, I knew that it would be okay.
Notice I am careful to not say that I knew we would live. I didn’t. I had no clue whether or not we would live or die. I had no clue about the specifics, all I knew is that whatever it was going to be, it was going to be fine. I wasn’t afraid of anything in those few seconds.
He loves us so much. He has forgiven us for so much. I could sit here for the rest of my life thanking Him, praising Him, loving Him, and it still wouldn’t be enough. If you don’t know how much He loves you, then I’ll be praying that you find out soon because it will change your life.
When we love Him the way I think we should love Him, we won’t have time for fear. We won’t have room for fear.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”