I remember writing this during the first week all of this was happening. I never published it. I wasn’t ready. Now I am. I’ve been set free.
To my friends and family who may get upset reading this, please don’t. Just join me in praying for her. She doesn’t need people to hate her, neither does my husband, they need people to love them. And if you love me, you will love them.
To The Other Woman,
I have thought for days about what to say to you, if I would say anything at all.
I’m still not sure that this is good enough, but I’m done letting it control me. I’m done letting you control me.
I have been so confused the last few days. Everything seems to contradict itself. I try to explain to people what exactly it is that I’m feeling, but I come up short. I don’t even think I can explain it to myself.
I feel so sorry for you.
I am embarrassed for you.
For another woman to think that she could come into my husband’s life and take my place is ridiculous. But your desperation is sad. I’m sure when you sent my husband those pictures you had no intention of me ever finding them, but I did. And now I have them forever.
At first, I wanted everyone to see those pictures. I was determined to find out where you worked. I had your address. I had you in a few compromising situations. I could have destroyed you. And I would have been justified in doing so. But then I just felt sorry for you.
Those pictures, those texts, those are things I will never forget. I think about them all of the time. All of the time. And as much as I hate you. As much as I want you to hurt the way I hurt I can’t help but be thankful for you.
If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have realized just how much this marriage means to me. And to be honest, it hasn’t meant much at all lately. I was miserable. He was miserable.
I had thought about leaving. I was in the process of leaving. Trying to get all of the details sorted out, but then I found those messages and those pictures. I was shaking when I called him. I thought I was having a heart attack. I have never been so angry.
He came home. He talked. I yelled. I was ready to walk out. Here I was being asked to forgive my unforgivable. It looked impossible. I had everyone telling me to leave. They didn’t even know the half of it. And he asked me one question that I will say changed everything. “Do you think you could still be my wife after this?”
During the time it took him to come home I had thought about that answer. How would I answer that? I was betrayed. I was hurt. I felt sick. I didn’t know if I wanted to be his wife anymore. But when I saw him. When he asked me. The answer flew off my tongue immediately. ‘Of course’.
As my dad had said, “Kiddo, you said for better or worse, this is worse.” This was worse. If worse were a designated place and time, here we were. I never wanted to get to worse. And it’s your fault that I did. But in the same breath, had I not got to worse, I wouldn’t get to better.
What I learned in a matter of seconds is that I truly did love my husband unconditionally. I also learned that while I had been focused on ‘fixing’ everyone and everything else, I was the one who really needed the work.
Now, I’m assuming you don’t know Christ. I’m sorry about that. And maybe one day you’ll meet Him. I hope one day you do. Because it is because of Him that I’m not destroying you. He’s taught me so much in these last few days.
I will never understand God’s perfect timing. And a few days ago had you asked me if this was perfect timing I would have hurt you. I have never experienced pain like this. My heart was truly broken, but after praying, after realizing that there was nothing, NOTHING, I could do on my own to make this better, after giving it completely to Him and letting Him take care of me, I realize that I had to go through this.
This has been so many unanswered prayers. Some of you may not understand. I don’t blame you. But this is years and years of prayers. Prayers that I thought He ignored. Prayers that I thought He didn’t hear. And it’s all right here, unfolding right before my eyes.
So, in a sense, you were the answer to my prayers.
I am so grateful that I found out when I did. I’m glad it was just a few conversations and some pictures. I’m glad he didn’t accept your invitation to take it any further.
But I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive him. And I forgive myself. My biggest fear through all of this was looking weak. I didn’t want to be that woman. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. But I realized that it took strength to forgive. There was nothing weak about it.
I wish it was as simple as this. Just to be done with all of it, but it’s not. My husband and I have got a long road to walk down. But what’s important is that we’ll be walking together. I will probably always think about you, and hopefully one day I can get rid of those images that seem to have been burned into my brain, but I hope you find what you’re looking for. I hope that one day you will be as happy as I am. And I really hope you won’t always have to be the other woman.