I’m Finally Free!

It never ceases to amaze me how God gets our attention. More than that it always amazes me at how much we don’t pay attention. Just reflecting on my own life, things wouldn’t have had to get so serious if I would have just listened and recognized that God was trying to talk to me.

I’ve mentioned before that the move to Texas was not what I had expected. As our life fell apart in North Carolina, I dreamed that Texas would be the answer to all of our prayers. There would be no more worrying, no more fighting about money, no more living paycheck to paycheck. I could buy things just because. I desired a time in my life where I didn’t have to check the account balance before I swiped my card. Texas was supposed to be so amazing.

Not only did it not live up to our expectations, but it appears that things have gotten worse sometimes.

We still worry. We still fight over money. I still dodge phone calls with creditors. We still live paycheck to paycheck. But something has changed.

It wasn’t long ago I was at church listening to a sermon that not only hit home, but it made sense. In the sermon we were encouraged to remember that the money we have, the job we have, the ‘stuff’ we have is all God’s. Nothing actually belongs to us. And yet, we still spend so much time worshipping everything else, but the One who gave it to us.

I’m sure my husband would agree with me that he is obsessed with money. He loves it. It is what drives him to work hard every single day. It’s what motivates him to get out of bed. It’s what keeps him going when things don’t look great. It comforts him. It makes him happy when he has it and miserable when he doesn’t. It is seriously everything to him. If he doesn’t have money, then he doesn’t have anything.

I was thinking about that today. Our financial situation hasn’t been the greatest the last few weeks. There have been a ton of disappointments and a lot of frustration. It appears that it’s one thing after another. It’s not what we expected at all.

I’m not usually the worrier. I have a pretty laid back attitude and so I don’t get stressed out about money so much. And I can usually figure out solutions to get us by until the next payday or whatever, but, honestly, I’m kind of running out of ideas. I’m not sure how it’s going to work out, but what I do know is that God is trying to get our attention.

When I tell you that I have no more ideas, no more suggestions, no more anything, it’s not an exaggeration. There are no more moves for me to make. We both acknowledge that we have no hands in our deck. Well, except for one.

He has always provided for us. Always. He’s even taken the back seat most times and has let me fool myself into thinking that I did something, that I fixed it.

There has been so much transformation going on in this house, in this heart. In these hearts. So much. I am not the same person I was just a few weeks ago, and thank God for that.

I can even see a transformation beginning in my husband. Y’all, it’s going to be such an amazing story when it’s finished. I can already tell. Because things that I didn’t think were possible, things that I couldn’t even imagine are taking place. I am the witness to so many answered prayers and miracles.

But the one thing that was still in my husband’s way is being moved. Money is begin replaced by God. We have sat here for years, YEARS, convincing ourselves that more money was the answer to our prayers. If we only had more money, then everything would be fine. What a blatant lie straight from the pit of hell.

It’s never been about money. You see, the enemy has made it about money, he has convinced us that it’s just money that we need because when we finally realize what it is that we actually need, well, the enemy loses. Because what we need isn’t money, it’s God.

If we take all of the time we have wasted and spent on money and we focus and spend it on God, can you imagine the kind of life we can live? There is the abundant life that I have been looking for.

There would be no more worrying. No more fighting. No more stressing. Imagine if God could be our motivator. The reason we get out of bed each morning. Our passion. What if God were truly everything to us?

I have been praying and praying to give up the control I have on my own life. As much as I don’t want it, I still cling to it with every fiber of my being. I want to change that. I want to cling to God with every fiber of my being. But I couldn’t imagine what that actually looked like. What does it mean to give yourself completely to God. What does it mean to think of God first?

It’s never made sense to me, but I get it now. Praise God, I get it now.

All I know is He has my attention. And when you want to pay attention to Him, and when you want to hear what He has to say, you can. And it is perfect. And it is everything that you’ve ever imagined. And you realize that your God is just as powerful as He says He is. And the chains just break away. And you’re finally free. What an amazing feeling!

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