I haven’t been feeling very good this past weekend. I’ve got this cough, and this head funk that is going around. All I want to do is sleep, but that’s not how it works and so I’ve pushed through. I hadn’t been able to go to church for the past few weeks and so I was determined to make it to church yesterday. As I sat around on the couch waiting for the time to leave, I started feeling more and more terrible, and I wanted to stay home, but I knew I had to get to church, something told me I had to go to church.
Thank goodness that He got me to church because I needed to hear what my Bishop had to say.
He began his sermon talking about control. Talking about giving up control and how hard it is, not just for a few people, but for everyone. He referenced Romans, one of my favorite chapters in the bible. He focused on Paul’s advice to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice. Wait!! What??
I couldn’t understand what it meant to be a ‘living sacrifice’. But, really, it’s simple.
God gave us freewill. And that is exactly what we must sacrifice. We have to learn to rely on Him and not ourselves. Seriously?! If you are anything like me, you read that sentence and then you stomped your foot on the ground and let out a huge, whiny ‘BUT WHY!?’
What a hard thing to do. What a scary thing to do. Paul makes it sound so simple. But it’s not. Not at all. It’s scary. It’s nerve wrecking. It goes against everything that we have been taught. It goes against our entire western culture.
I began squirming in my seat because I knew that this was directed at me, but I had no idea how to just ‘let go, and let God’.
So then the Bishop asked us two simple questions. 1. Do you think God loves you more than you love yourself? 2. Do you think God is all knowing and all powerful and can do anything He wants? Well the answers are simple. Of course I think God loves me more than I love myself and of course I think He can do anything. I mean, who doesn’t?! So then why is it so hard to trust him???
My husband and I were talking in the car on the ride home and I asked him that very question. Why is it so hard to trust God? He had no answer. We have no answer. The way I look at it God is my father. As a parent myself there is NOTHING I wouldn’t do to make my kids happy. NOTHING. Sometimes my kids get mad at me if I take away something they shouldn’t play with or if I say ‘no’ every now and again, but I don’t do it to be mean, I do it to keep them safe. I do it because I can see the bigger picture, because I have something better in mind and because I love them. A-ha! Now we’re getting somewhere.
My kids know I love them. I tell them everyday all day long. As a mother, it is important for me to make sure my kids know I love them. So what’s the difference? God lets me know that He loves me. He is always sending me reminders. He is always showing me that He loves me, so why can’t I just trust Him? Why can’t we just trust Him?
But then I began to wonder what does trusting God 100% look like? How do I completely give up all control in my life? I’m not sure I have the answer. Because we have bills to pay. We have things that have to be taken care of. We have responsibilities. So what do you do?
I once heard someone say that God can do more with less than you can do with all. I believe it, but what a test of faith. And then I think that’s what it all boils down too. Faith. You go back to those two questions and you just have to keep reminding yourself that He’s looking out for each of us. We are His children. He loves us. He has shown us throughout time that He loves us. Not some of us. Not a few of us. Not even the ones who deserve it, but He loves ALL OF US. And just as my own kids have faith that I will never let anything happen to them and that I will always be there to take care of them and I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that they have a wonderful life, we have to have the same faith in God.