I’m not sure what I expected when I made the move to Texas, as i approach the anniversary of the day that I knew I was moving, I can’t help but reflect on what’s happened this past year.
We all make promises to keep in touch. We are all guilty of it, and I believe our intentions are good. I believe that we absolutely mean that we will do our best to keep in touch, but then life happens, and keeping in touch isn’t as easy as we made it sound.
Yes, I have Facebook, and I am thankful I do because I am able to still kind of ‘peek’ into the lives of the ones I left, and I do my best to keep my Facebook updated so they can see what we’ve been up to, but if I can be honest, sometimes I don’t want to see. Sometimes I sit here with my feelings hurt because I know that things have changed, and I feel replaced.
You see, a few months ago, I still held on to the idea that I would go back home eventually. I didn’t believe for a second that Texas was it. That this was where my kids would grow up. I’m still not sure that they will grow up here, but I just don’t know that we will ever go back to NC. And so now, as I watch the change take place, it makes me sad.
It makes me sad knowing that it won’t ever be the same. It makes me sad knowing that people may be forgetting who I am or who my family is. It makes me sad seeing other people doing the things that I used to do.
And even if, and that’s a big ‘if’, even if we did go back to North Carolina, it wouldn’t be as we left it. Things have changed. People have changed. Everything has changed.
But we need change, right?
I can’t help but to think that I would have been content with my life the way it was. We didn’t have a lot, but we were happy. We had the things that mattered. And I know that we’re still new to Texas and I never expected to make the kind of friendships I left behind, quickly, and the truth is, I’m starting to make friends, and I’m starting to make good friends, maybe even great friends, but the more I do, the more distant I feel from the life I left behind just 10 months ago.
I know I could pick up the phone. I know that I could make more of an effort, but it makes me sad. It makes me sad having to say goodbye. It makes me sad listening to all the things that I’ve missed, and it makes me sad knowing that those phone calls won’t change anything. I’ll still be here and they will still be there.
And so I avoid. We avoid. We don’t talk about home as much as we used to. We don’t talk about going back as much as we used to. In fact, It seems that me and Justin are both on the same page, and North Carolina just isn’t.