Marriage, Submission and Feminist Rage, Oh My.

I am a strong female. I don’t believe that I am where I am at because I have been weak. I have worked hard. I can do whatever I need to do. I am just as good as a man. There is nothing a man can do that I can’t do. I am full of feminist rage (sometimes). And nothing makes me more upset than when a woman is put down just because she is a woman. (just thinking about it makes me mad.) And so when Justin and I were going through our pre-marriage counseling you can bet your bottom dollar that our Priest had a hard time telling me that I would need to submit to Justin, he was afraid I wasn’t going to like it, least of all, understand it, but the thing is, I do, I get it, and I am okay with it, better yet, I think it’s great!

What did she just say??? I know, I know, I know. Sometimes I even freak myself out when I say it. For those of you who know me, your heads are probably spinning. Just a few years ago you wouldn’t have caught me saying anything like that, but it’s true, I get it and I love it. I think submitting to your husband is a hard thing to understand, not because of God or his role in our marriages, but because society, as usual, has done such a great job of clouding the real meaning of what submission means, let me explain.

To submit to Justin doesn’t mean that I am less than Justin. I am equal to Justin. God loves both me and Justin just the same. Just because Justin is a man doesn’t mean that God loves him more. Man is not better. Once you understand that simple concept then it makes everything else about submission much easier to understand and follow.

Submission to my husband doesn’t mean that he has more power than me. Yes, he is in charge of making decisions and having the final say, but if you ask me, that’s a lot of stress for him. The fate of this family rests on his shoulders. Do I want that? Heck no. As a wife I am here to listen, talk, encourage, and help where I can, but as a wife I am given much more freedom because what happens to us isn’t on these shoulders. I don’t have to make difficult decisions. But is my husband more powerful because of that duty? No way. Because you see, if husbands are doing their job correctly then they take into consideration the rest of the family. They think about their wives. Power is thinking only about yourself.

That’s the problem with submission. Society has taken it and completely misrepresented what it means for wives to submit to their husbands.

Ephesians 4:22-33 (ESV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

See? Nowhere does it say wives you suck and your husbands are better and smarter so just listen to them because you are so stupid. Trust me, I couldn’t submit if I knew submission meant that I was admitting weakness. I couldn’t submit if I knew that it meant my husband was more important than me. I couldn’t submit if I knew that I wouldn’t be treated like I deserved. I submit, and I submit easily, because my husband is supposed to love me the way Christ loved the church. That’s a lot of love. Jesus took care of the church. He respected the church. He would have done anything for the church. That’s what my husband is supposed to do. That’s what my husband does. (Well, most days!) That’s why it’s easier for me.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days when the last thing I want to do is submit. There are many times when I think my idea or way of thinking are far better than that of my husband’s. And I fight. And then he gets mad. And then we are fighting over something that shouldn’t even be an issue because I have to remind myself that he is in charge and he has my best intentions at heart. I am constantly reminding myself to submit, but when I let my marriage work the way God intended, well then it’s so good and smooth and there is no fighting. See? I told you God was good at what He does!

In a marriage, each of you, husband and wife, have a job to do. It doesn’t rest on just one person. One person isn’t more important than the other. It takes both husband and wife, both submission and leadership, to make a marriage work. It doesn’t make a woman less of a person if she submits to her husband, it makes her an equal partner who is wanting nothing more than her marriage to last forever. Now what’s wrong with that?

2 Replies to “Marriage, Submission and Feminist Rage, Oh My.”

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