It was recently brought to my attention that a good friend of mine, probably my best friend, from college thinks that I have become “self righteous” with my “popping out kids” and whatnot. I hope that I haven’t. I don’t think that I have. Perhaps by “self righteous” what she means to say is “grown up” because yes I have. I am no longer who I was in college (And thank goodness for that! ha!) I am a wife and a mother now. I am constantly putting my husband and my kids before myself. I don’t brag about it. I don’t ask for any recognition because I know that I am appreciated. I know that my family needs me. And I know that I am doing the best that I can do and that’s good enough for them. I have never taken a single second of my life for granted. I understand that I am fortunate to stay at home with my children, but that is not something that should be shoved into my face as a cop-out. I could sit here and preach that by choosing to stay at home I am working harder than most. I could argue that I am underpaid and that my hours are endless. I could complain about how hard my days are and how I never have any time to myself. I could make a whole list of things to complain about, but I don’t because even though I have a million things to complain about I have one thing that makes everything worth it and his name is Jaxsyn. (Soon, I will have two things!) Also, I think it’s important to give credit to my husband who has worked his butt off to make me staying at home a possibility. This wasn’t a decision we took lightly. In fact, I did work before. I worked, I went to school, I raised my son, I studied for the GRE, I wrote a novel. I did lots and lots of things. And then my husband’s hours changed. I had to learn to adapt and quick. And so I did for awhile. I changed my hours at work and stepped down in my position. And then his hours changed again except this time there was no consistency and so I quit my job. It might sound like a dream come true, but it was hard. I had been working since I was 14 and suddenly I had nowhere to be. I had no responsibilities. And my boss was a 2 year old. It was a struggle and so when there was an opportunity for me to work and be at home with Jaxsyn I jumped on it. I worked 3rd shift. I was miserable. I would cry for hours before work. And then I would come home from work at 7 am and cry again because I would be so tired, but I had to be mom and take care of Jaxsyn. There were times when I would fall asleep on the couch and I would wake up to total destruction of my house. What was supposed to be 2 nights a week often turned into 4o hours a week. Don’t get me wrong, the money was great, but I’ve never been about money. I worked for a few months and finally had to give in to the realization that I could not do it all and so I quit. I have been a stay-at-home-momma for a little over a year. I have cherished every second I get with Jaxsyn and realize that the time with him will be cut short. As for Adelaide, I will stay at home with her until she goes to school. I will do whatever I need to do to help my family, but this is a choice that my husband and I have made together. In no way have I dictated what is going to happen. We are in this together. Something that I have prided myself on is never having to choose between family and career. I graduated college for a reason. I plan on working someday, but for now I am a mother first. It is no one else’s business but my own. So go ahead with your hurtful words, rub it in my face all you want about how great your life is. I used to think my life was great too, but it wasn’t until I started thinking about others that it became great. I just hope that you are able to be as happy as I have been.
I cannot blame her for her harsh words. You never know what exactly it entails to be a mother until you’ve been one. You will never truly understand what it means to put others before you. And you will never know how much work you do until someone tries to tell you that you do none. But as I said before, I’m not looking for approval ratings or pats on the back. I know who I am. I know who my kids are. And I know that we are happy and that is all that matters.