To My Best Friend.

While I feel a bit elementary in labeling friends as ‘best’ or I guess just ‘regular’ all of my friends know that they mean the world to me and that I wouldn’t be who I am without them, however, the friendship I have been blessed with having with my best friend Deb means the most to me. We were an unlikely pair, brought together by pregnancy. Not one of us really knowing what our body was doing, but we were there for each other each step of the way. With Jaxsyn a few weeks older than Deb’s first daughter Nollie, Deb found herself in my delivery room the day Jaxsyn was to arrive. It was a magical moment that truly brought us closer than before. It was something that no one else would ever be able to experience with me and I was thankful for my “DJ Doula Deb”. Watching her hold my son for the first time and seeing that she knew exactly what to do, I was proud of her. It was just a few weeks later that I found myself holding baby Nollie and even though I had only been a parent for 2 1/2 weeks I was giving her advice and it was like we had been doing this for years. Fast forward 18 months later and I found myself again in a hospital room with Deb except this time I wasn’t able to hold my best friend’s daughter. Walking into the room expecting to find the happy family, I saw sadness and defeat. I’m not great with emotions and so I was caught off guard, unsure of what the next move should be. I didn’t want her to talk about it, but I wanted to try and understand what happened. We sat there in silence for most of the time, but I think it was exactly what we both needed. It wasn’t until a month later that Josie came home. My best friend went through a lot during that time. She didn’t answer the phone. And I was unable to really see her, but I waited patiently until she was ready. I can still remember her bringing Josie home and how excited she was. The battle wasn’t over, but Josie proved to be just as strong as her mother and I never had any doubt in my mind she would prevail. (And for the record she has.) I’m not sure if I ever told Deb how scared I was for her and how Josie really impacted my decision to have children because the truth is you take advantage of healthy babies and healthy pregnancies, no one ever really sits down with you and tells you what could happen, but after watching what my friend went through, I knew that if she could do it, and if she was on my side, then I could do it too. She gave me that strength. And then we fast forward to just a few months ago when I was able to hold baby Haddie who was perfect. While Deb has a ton of visitors each time she is at the hospital I’m not sure if they knew just how relieved and excited Deb was to have a perfect, healthy baby, but I knew. I could see it in her eyes. She was so proud of her new daughter. While I shared with her a few months earlier my exciting news of expecting I also had to take this time to tell her that we were moving to Texas. We didn’t talk about it much after that. It was like if we didn’t talk about it then it wasn’t really real. I didn’t realize that when I had made the commitment to my husband and to my marriage that I would be faced with these tough decisions and leaving Deb and her sweet family was one of the toughest decisions I’ve had to make. She texted me one morning and explained to me how sad she was that baby Adelaide would never really know her. I assured her that that wouldn’t be the case, but now I get it. I have been in Nollie and Josie’s life since it began and now I am just an observer of pictures of Little Haddie. The truth is Haddie will not know me the way her sisters do and Adelaide will not know Deb the way her brother does. But I am determined to try and I know Deb is too. There is a reason that I have fallen in love with Deb and her little girls  and I refuse to let that go just because we live 16 hours away. I know that our friendship is strong enough for any of the challenges we may face in the next 5, 10, 20 years. And even if I have to watch her girls grow up on Instagram or Facebook, at least, I have that opportunity to do so and it’s better than nothing. I will continue to talk about Deb and her girls as if they live just down the street and I am determined to let Adelaide know just how awesome her Godmother is. (Yes Deb, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and it only makes sense if you will be Adelaide’s Godmother, so what do you think? Will you?) And while I am making my way out here in Texas trying to find new friends, I know that Deb is pretty much irreplaceable and while it may seem disappointing knowing that I will never have a friend like her in Texas, I can’t help but be thankful that I had 4 amazing years with her and her children and I wouldn’t want to replace that anyways. My new friends will have some pretty big shoes to fill, but if there anything like the ones I left behind, I know they are up for the challenge.

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