Wanted: Friends

I’ve always thought of myself as independent and head strong. I didn’t need anyone. I was a survivor. I could make my way in this world however I pleased and I was usually happy, but things have changed. Most of you know that I recently moved to Texas. While I reassured most of you that I was excited and ready to begin this new chapter in my life I’m not sure if it is because of my age, but starting over in a new place isn’t like it used to be.  It used to be easy and exciting moving to a new place where you didn’t know anyone and you could be whoever you wanted to be. It was something that I looked forward to, but now it’s different. I am lonely. Don’t get me wrong, my husband’s family has been terrific, but it’s not the same. I miss being able to call a friend up and knowing that I could take a drive down the road to see them. While I was nervous about taking Jaxsyn away from his friends, I didn’t even really think of myself, but it turns out that my 3 year old is much better at adjusting than his mother. With my husband working all of the time, I don’t even get to see him that much. I’ve asked myself if it’s worth it, and the unselfish answer is, ‘of course’. This is what my husband had been dreaming about for a very long time and it is what is best for my family. But if I were to be honest with you, I would say that I would much rather have my friends, my family, and my husband over any amount of money on a paycheck. I continue to remind myself that making friends takes effort, but I was so blessed with the friends I left behind that I’m not sure I want someone to take their place, or even come close to what we had, but I also know that if I continue to depend on my 3 year old for entertainment than we may have bigger problems later down the road, I mean, he will eventually have to start school and he is supposed to depend on me, not the other way around, right? I wish I knew the answers to my own questions, but I don’t. I wish I knew my next step, but I don’t. At 29 I thought I would have most things figured out, especially when it came to making friends, but it turns out I don’t. The irony of living in a city with millions of people and yet having no one to talk to…

2 Replies to “Wanted: Friends”

  1. Lauren, You and I have been friends for half of our lives. You moving to TX was pretty shattering to me, but I know you had to for your own well being. It takes a lot of guts to move out there and not know anyone outside of your in-laws. When I moved to New York I was inspired by you. I knew that making friends, while it came somewhat easy to me, didn’t always. I remembered how we used to go to shows and you would just spark up a conversation with anyone that you thought looked interesting. I still do this. You gave me so much confidence to have the balls to go out and talk to strangers. Granted, I didn’t make a lot of friends in NYC, but the ones I did make were amazing. Big city life sucks. I will be honest with you. Making friends when there are millions of people isn’t easy at all because they don’t stop and pay attention like people do here, or in smaller towns. I don’t know what you have as options, but there are always churches to join or maybe a class for expected mothers. Things like that are out there for such reasons. I myself am finding that my life is kind of empty these days and I am trying to get motivated to meet new people by taking up a new hobby. Or volunteering. I don’t know what texas has to offer (except maybe a gun class?!) but I know you’re resourceful and you can find something beyond hanging out at home with Jax. Playgrounds are a good place to start! He can make friends and so can you… or you could just move back here ;) but that is me being biased. I love you. And I promise things will get better sooner than you think.

  2. Lauren – I moved to Houston with Shawna only!! It was very intimidating for me and I even returned back to my home town for one year….beating myself up for not being able to stick it out in the big city! When I returned everything started falling into place. Houston is a melting pot of people from all over the world. There are always people moving in and moving out. I was fortunate enough to move into a complex that had lots of new residents, who were all looking for new friends. It may be a little harder in a neighborhood since there is no community pool etc., but I think in general I find Texans to be very friendly people. You have been there a short time, and I know with your personality you will be able to reach out and soon have new friends. New friends don’t replace the old friends, they just help enhance your life in your new environment and support you when needed. I would get involved in some activities for Jaxsyn where you might meet other mothers who share some of the same concerns. Your church would be good also. Remember to place the oxygen mask on yourself first (as the airlines say) so that you will have the energy/life force to be there for your children in the way you want to! You will be fine! You are intelligent, beautiful and a wonderful mother – motherhood is a journey not a destination! None of us have been perfect or done it right all the time! Can’t wait to meet your new addition in June!

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